Love Life! Laugh Always!

Happiness Is...

2010-08-02T14:28:00.001-07:00

Seeing friends you haven't seen in weeks and picking up, right where you left off

Hugging one another so tight that you never want to let go

Sitting in a huddle, celebrating friendship

Not waiting until its too late

Relying on friends to let you escape from your children - even if it's for 5 minutes

Holding hands and jumping into a pool with your clothes on

Getting into a hot tub that's way too small for 10 gals

Stripping down to your bra and comparing breast sizes

Laughing til it hurts

Talking one another into heart tattoo's

Not waiting until its too late...to celebrate friendship and sisterhood

Summer Life

2010-07-21T13:57:00.001-07:00

I promise! I have not fallen off the face of the earth, but summertime seems just as busy as the school days. The kids have fallen into a routine of sleeping in until about 9:ooam. Which, I love because the babysitter comes to our house in the morning and I just have to get myself ready! I just finished coaching girls softball with Gianna's team. That was fun, but also challenging. 6 and 7 year old girls have the attention span of a noodle...to show them how to catch a ball is very frustrating. I should have taken up drinking during that time! Brandon went to summer camp at Mt. Gilead - my old stomping grounds as a kid. He had the best time ever and he plans on going there every summer. Gianna just turned 7 and I have decided that her job should be with Merry Maids. She cleans my house everyday while she is home. Dumping garbage's, unloading the dishwasher, mopping, vacuuming, dusting. The list goes on and on! She bought a MP3 player with her birthday money and can sit in her room for hours...singing. I don't think she realizes that I can hear her singing through the door. I stand at the closed doorway, listening to her bust out with Miley Cyrus. Nothing much with me lately. I'm trying to figure out my next big goal. I was thinking a Triathlon, but I tried swimming in open water and thought I'd die. I guess like everything...you just have to do it a step at a time

All Star

2010-06-11T11:28:00.000-07:00

My son is an All Star. His name is not printed on a piece of paper or etched in a $5.00 trophy that collects dust. His compassion and wisdom is etched in my heart. We just wrapped up the baseball season and with that comes the responsibility of the players to vote for the opposing teams players for THE ALL STARS! Brandon looked beyond the ability to catch a ball or to bat a home run. He decided to vote for a player who had a physical disability...a boy who limped around all the bases and got thrown out on first base every single time. Brandon said, "Mom, I voted for him because he had courage to even play. He had courage to run the bases with a limp, in front of everyone. To me that is an all star." God, I love that boy!

Crossing The Line

2010-05-03T12:28:00.001-07:00

I crossed the finish line at 2 hours, 25 minutes, and 56 seconds. Although, the joy, the satisfaction, and the accomplishment can not be connected to a watch. The experience was physical, emotional, and spiritual. I did it. Whether if some finished in an hour and a half, the distance that we traveled was the same...13.2 miles. I discovered so much of myself, how much I could push myself, how far my body could go. It took a lot to get to that starting line and once I was there, the negative messages and thoughts that I have trained my mind to believe, were left there as the gun went off. I was now a long distance athlete-and I was going to finish even if I had to crawl. The first 2 miles, I ran on adrenaline. Although, I ran this race alone, it was the other runner's that encouraged me. It is a secret bond or club that you are initiated into, once you put that number on your chest. It didn't matter fat, skinny, old, or young...I knew what it took to be there and what it was going to take to finish. I found myself encouraging others too. What a great day!

The Count Down

2010-04-26T12:58:00.000-07:00

May 2, 2010 seemed so far off in January, when I decided to run my very first half marathon. And now I only have 7 days left ! I'm super excited and scared at the same time. I'm sure if I sat long enough to count how many miles I've run in the past 4 months, I'd be close to 100. 5 miles here, 10 miles there. It's funny how I've always convinced myself that "I'm not a runner." And I would be lucky to run one mile without keeling over from a heart attack. But now I consider running 4 miles, "my short run". I'm excited about where I'm running too! Humboldt National Park. I just love being outdoors and I've decided that I'm not running with an ipod. I want to experience this whole adventure - the sights, the sounds, the smells, my heart pounding in my ears, my breathe synchronized with my footsteps. Although, I do have one hesitation about this whole running thing and that's going to the bathroom. It seems every time I run longer then six miles my bowels kick in! What's the deal with that? Can't it be simple? And since I've never run in any type of race, I don't really have a goal time.....I just want to finish what I started...even if I have to crawl across the finish line!

Cinderella Ride

2010-04-11T08:39:00.000-07:00

April 10, 2010, I rode in my very first 100K bike ride -66.8 miles! I was invited by Brandon's teacher, who has become my friend and exercise partner while training for my half marathon. We woke up at 4:15am in the morning, loaded our bikes and we were on the rode by 5:00am. We made our way to Pleasanton, got signed in, and on our bikes by 8:00am. It was so chilly and the wind was blowing about 30 miles an hour. Some moments, I was sure I was going to be blown off the bike - but thank God-no falls! I'm not exactly sure how many women are in this ride, but I'd say at least 1000! Some dressed up in tutu's, funny helmets, and crazy socks. Next year, I think I'll wear my afro over my helmet. It was such beautiful scenery and tons and tons of hills. There was even a man at the top of one hill that would pop a lemon drop in your mouth because you barely had any saliva in your mouth. I think that was the hardest hill and all I could think of was my friend Shannan, who's birthday just happened to be the same day. When she was sick with Leukemia and 80lbs she rode her bike up a steep, steep, hill. I asked her why and she told me because she could. That moment got me up that hill. My buns and "other" parts got pretty sore and ended up ditching my underwear in a port of potty - word to the wise-don't wear underwear, they are useless! All in all, I felt challenged and that I could do anything that I push myself to do. Counting down to 3 weeks for my first half marathon!

Hoopster

2010-03-22T12:25:00.000-07:00

My daughter is so much like me, but yet so different. I can make a friend with a brick wall and you have to hit her upside the head with a brick to make a friend. I decided that she needed to branch out in her social skills and signed her up for Spring League Basketball. However, it really isn't that easy...since I have to coach her team in order for her to feel comfortable enough to play. So Here We GO! Sunday was her very first basketball game and I swear it was the cutest thing I have ever seen . Gianna was running up and down the court and getting in front of her own players. And then the moment came. SHE HAD THE BALL! I was sick inside. What was she going to do with it? She grabbed the ball with both hands, took it down low, and did a Granny shot. Whoosh! Two points! Just like her mama...except for the Granny shot of course. The best part? She looked right at me and we had a silent moment together of pride!

Half Marathon

2010-03-04T12:39:00.001-08:00

For the past several years, I have made physical goals for myself....Half Dome, 50K Bike Tour, Double Dipsea, and River Rafting, to name a few. I've always had my partner in crime along the way - Tina. Tina and I train together and encourage one another through it all. I think that is what is so fascinating about setting a goal because it is about the steps that took you there...not the final destination. All the time and commitment that we have shared together is what makes it fun. And then to finish what we started is such an accomplishment - appreciating the journey and the finish line. We decided in January that we were going to run a half marathon together. Of course, Tina was way more excited then me because I hate to run. We started training and she got hurt! She tried to push through the pain, but it just isn't going to happen for her. I feel torn in so many directions because I never do things like this on my own. But I am so far into the training, that I decided that I am going to do it on my own. It's a scary thing for me and I'm a little sad about it. But I WILL CONQUER! It's not only about crossing the finish line, but also about knowing that I can push myself.

STRETCHED

2010-02-15T18:54:00.000-08:00

Describe me in one word. And I'm sure most people would say....funny. That's who I am. I think it all began when I was fat because I'd rather be funny or make fun of myself first, before anyone else could. I'd rather hurt my own feelings than feel the pain and hurt of another. So...funny I am. And I've progressed from there. Funny at a party, funny at work, funny with friends, making up funny songs. It's my element and I'm comfortable with it. Recently, I was asked to step out of my comfort of funny and do something serious for a Women's Retreat. Since this year has been defined by cancer, I decided to do a skit of my journey through the pain of losing a friend to this disease. I'm telling you... I kicked and screamed through the entire process because I hate to show my vulnerable side. But I did it. And was asked to do the skit again in front of church on Valentines Day. It was very emotional for me and I could barely get through it. I showed my pain of loss, my anger at God, my doubt, my sadness...but through it all...the promise that God held my hand through it all was evident. And I know that when we are stretched like that is when we grow the most.

INVISIBLE WOMAN

2010-01-20T20:44:00.000-08:00

What would you like for lunch? No answer. What would you like to wear today? No answer. Pick up your backpack. No movement. Do your homework. No movement. Okay....sooooo....I'm invisible! Does the taxi fairy bring the children to school? Does the breakfast, lunch, and dinner fairy wave her magic wand and your stomach is full? So, I'm just wondering.....what would happen if I went on strike? Would the family realize that the invisible woman....isn't really invisible at all?

Celebrating Life

2010-01-11T13:41:00.000-08:00

Well.....today I turned 36! Woot Woot! Just four more years to the big 40! But in all my years of life, this past year I have learned the most. I have grown in so many different areas of my life, even if I was kicking and screaming throughout it all. Change is not the easiest for me because it is comforting to know what is going to happen next. But without change...how can you really meet your full potential? Selling yourself short on the could of's, would of's, and should of's. I've learned that there are people in my life that I've drawn closer to, who love me for me, without any attachments. And there are those people or things that I've weeded out, that seem to strangle who I am and what I stand for. I guess I've learned to set my boundaries. But I've also learned to push my physical boundaries as well....hiking, rafting, biking...things I never thought I'd do. I've learned how to live life in a different way this year. Thanks to all of you, who are a big part of it.

My Mother In Law

2009-12-27T09:51:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure how she really does it. I think she carries a magic wand. My mother in law never forgets a detail during the Christmas season. The tree is nicely decorated (although this year she bought two because she didn't like the first one), sugar cookies decorated, fudge plated, stockings over flowing, every present tied with love and a glittered bow, ham baking in the oven, and homemade gnocchi's to boot. I truly think the kids think that they are driving to The North Pole, when they are actually driving to Sebastopol to go to Gram's house on Christmas. Although, I love all the things my mother in law does....I do tell her that she is crazy because it must be hard work to make seven grandchildren eyes glow. But she does it every year. This year, Brandon wanted an electric guitar, which my husband said very firmly..NO WAY! My heart ached because I knew how much he really wanted it and how disappointed he would be. And guess what? My mother in law has authority over my husband and Santa had this amazing gift at her house. When Brandon opened the electric guitar he had the most amazing look of joy on his face, that I actually teared up. He kept saying...I'm so happy, I'm so happy! This was the first time in my life that I was happy that she did not listen to me or my husband. She truly made Christmas magic. Thanks Jill!

My Wish For You This Christmas

2009-12-18T13:16:00.000-08:00

My wish for you this Christmas is that you have a job, a home, family, and good friends. That you wrap yourself in light and enjoy the small blessings around you. I use to think it was about the presents...but it is about being present for those you love. ~Merry Christmas~

9 Months and The Labor of Love

2009-12-07T09:44:00.000-08:00

Everyone has a box that they hide in the back of their closets and no matter where you go or where you move - it is always there- until you decide to get rid of it! The box of guilt, shame lonliness...the list goes on and on. For the last nine months since my friend Shannan died, I've had the "Where were you God Box". I've felt the sadness. I've felt the guilt of getting to hug her nine year old son and I've felt the guilt of tucking him in. And then it hit me - I should be thankful. Thankful that I get to do that for Shannan and for her son. That I can be a part of this whole story. I grabbed my box, dusted it off, and handed it over in thankfulness. But this story gets better. 9 months to the day, this little boy called me on the phone and at the end of the phone call he said, "Bye, I love you." What a precious gift, that I have been given. This last nine months has been such a labor of love - just like a nine month pregnancy. The pains, the uncomfortableness, the sickness, but in the end, when all is delivered....there is such beauty that you hold on to. And when that boy said he loved me...I felt the freedom of letting go of that box.

Thankful

2009-11-26T20:27:00.000-08:00

Looking back at the year...so much has gone on. Many times the darkness of some days can overshadow the little joys in life. There's something I've learned about shadows....you need light to create a shadow. In the midst of the hard times, there is always some joy. I have found many of my joyous moments and "little lights" are my friends. I am extremely thankful for all you. The humor, the laughter, the honesty, the dancing, the rafting trips, the bike rides, the impromptu get togethers, and the openness to say I love you at the end of a phone conversation, means so much to me. I think about all my friendships...my longest with Vicki ....30 years...to my most recent friends...brought together by tragedy.....and feel blessed by each one of you. Love you all!

My Confession

2009-11-20T16:21:00.001-08:00

Here's my confession..I found out today that I am in love with a woman. It took my 3 years to get naked in front of my husband (I'm worth the wait- I might add) and it took me only 2 minutes to undress for her! And I paid her to touch me! And when we were done...I wanted to shout out on a mountain top and confess to her...I LOVE YOU! So before you gross out and think that I'm ready to walk in the San Francisco Gay Pride Parade....I got a massage. I have been so sore and achy for months. My husband refused to massage me for days...so I hit him where it hurts! His wallet! I wasn't going to go around in pain anymore. It was the best impromptu call I have ever made. It really can be addicting and I think that I just may treat myself more often.

Updates

2009-10-20T13:53:00.000-07:00

Just a couple of updates on the Gregori clan...I completed the Asti Bike Tour this last Saturday..the 50K. Next year, I vow to do the 100K. No major mishaps, except for the fact that my shoes wouldn't unclick from the bike pedals and I had to biff it, in front of the "professional" bike riders, sporting their air dynamic bikes and apparel! Embarrassing! Tina cracked me up because she decided that two guys were going too slow up a steep hill and she passed them up...that was my highlight! It was such a wonderful time and great accomplishment to do it with a group of friends. Of course, I didn't have my camera - I can't ride a bike and photograph at the same time.

Sent the kids back to their old school in Sebastopol this week. Sigh of relief! I guess I had to put them back in Cloverdale, to realize where they truly needed to be. The commute isn't as bad as I remember it...although it does get old. The kids were so excited to see their old friends. Brandon has decided he is going to be part of the school band and play the Saxophone - Lord give me patience already!

The kids both decided on their Halloween costumes - Brandon a rock star (can't wait to get pictures on that one) and Gianna...you guessed it...a princess. Such their personalities. And me..A witch...and yep...that's my personality! ha ha

Why Moms Have Rules?

2009-10-02T15:37:00.000-07:00

Every night, I have the kids help make their lunches. Why didn't they tell me in Lamaze class, when I was pregnant, that this would be part of my parenting duties? I may have reconsidered having children, just for that reason. Not to mention, making lunches is the worst labor pains ever! I dread it....what to put in the stuffy sweaty vinyl box? I have to make sure their lunches are well rounded. I don't put 20 cookies and a soda in it..although there are days, that would be so simple! A fruit, a sandwich, pretzels...all the things that teachers want to see. So, last night, after gathering the lunches together, I told the kids to put them in the refrigerator. Simple request, I know. Then I walked away. Fast forward 10 hours with the rising sun. Open the refrigerator. "Wow guys! You already put your lunches in your backpacks? That's great." "Yeah mom, we put them in their last night." Oh, okay! So you think that mayo on that sandwich will not rot? Or what about that yogurt? Did you really want cottage cheese? Why do I waste my time, giving you a rule, if you are going to do what you want anyway?

Joy

2009-09-29T11:46:00.000-07:00

I'm finally coming up for air. Sometimes, life can just knock the air out of you and it takes awhile to come back up. But I'm here! And a sweet friend (Lavon) has reminded me that through life, you can't forget the Joy! Joy doesn't mean the outside appearance of happiness, but the internal gratitude of the small stuff. And I noticed that I don't have to look for Joy - it is already present...in my friends, in my husband and children, and the fact that I am loved. This weekend I enjoyed watching Brandon go tubing and wake boarding for the first time. The pure excitement on his face was priceless. That truly made my day. The weekend before, I went to a wedding in Tahoe. Man, I am old! It was a little girl I use to babysit...scary! I spent alone time with my husband, without constant interruption...and I can now remember why I married him in the first place! Gianna and I went to the Miley Cyrus concert two weekends ago. When Miley Cyrus came out, I watched the raw joy on Gianna's face. It's amazing that a six year old knows what to do at a concert! So all in all....I got the Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy, down in my heart!

Just When...

2009-09-11T12:34:00.000-07:00

I thought I could breathe, cancer hit again. A lot of my friends say that in order to make this blog...you gotta have cancer. Frankly, I'm sick of writing about this! My friend Vickey (the one in the pink) just found out last night that she has to ride this journey. Two things I know for sure is this......

1. A group of girlfriends (such as us) can not be reckoned with. Our strength is uncompromising

2. God has a plan, even when we don't know what it is - His hand is in it all. We just need to learn to trust it.

I'm still processing it all. Not much more to say...only that I love you Vickey!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NINA

2009-09-02T09:56:00.000-07:00

What is in a number? In the past 365 days, this number has built a friendship for a lifetime. Last year at this time, Nina didn't know she had breast cancer. And through all the struggles of the past year, I have learned to love this woman ( in a non-lesbian way!). She has a humor that is unparalleled. A strength that is bottomless. Courage beyond the lion in the Wizard of OZ. And today I am so happy that I get to celebrate another year with this amazing friend! I love you so much. Although, I have to say... I am jealous that you will be getting a new and uplifting rack! Happy Birthday Nina!

I Just Love Him!

2009-08-28T16:42:00.000-07:00

I was always that type of kid that was every one's friend in school. To think of it..I'm pretty much that way as an adult too. I never really was a part of a main group at school. I always felt bad for those kids that didn't have a lot of friends. I guess, maybe, that's why Brandon is the way he is. He came home from school the other day and said he felt bad for this kid in his class. "Mom. He doesn't wear the type of clothes everyone else does. And he pretty much wears the same thing. No one wants to be his partner in class and no one wants to play with him at P.E. But I told him I would be his partner and so I played with him." I told Brandon that is one quality that I love about him..his empathy and compassion. "Brandon, you are so amazing! Do you know how you made that kid feel by doing something so simple as that!" I looked over at Brandon and I knew he understood his impact. He had big tears that settled right underneath his bottom lid and said, " I know, Mom. I feel sorry for him. That's why I did it!" Gosh, I just love that little guy.

Broken Prayers

2009-08-18T13:15:00.001-07:00

The kids and I were driving on our street, when I saw this cat that just didn't look right. After further investigation, I noticed the cat was bleeding out of every part of its face. It must have gotten run over by a car, but was still walking around in a daze. Sadly, I called several places in our area and nobody could help. Feeling hopeless and disgusted with our Community, I crawled under a big bush, in my work clothes and high heels. I captured the injured cat and drove his little battered body to the vet. As the kids and I were leaving, Brandon said, "Mom...I prayed for that cat. I prayed that he would be okay." Knowing well enough that this kitty was beyond survival, I said, "Well..sometimes God doesn't always answer our prayers, the way we think He should. Sometimes, He just uses us to help. Maybe God brought us to the cat, so that he wouldn't suffer anymore." Tears ran down Brandon's face. It is such a hard lesson to learn that some of God's answer to our prayers is a simple..No. And to most of us (especially a nine year old) it just doesn't make sense.

The Mind Of A Six Year Old

2009-08-07T13:14:00.000-07:00

It was 7:59pm and 59 seconds. To be honest, I was done being a parent for the night and I was so ready for the animals, I mean "darling children" to go to bed. I tucked them in, wishing that I had slipped them a little benadryl, to help them sleep better - which I would not do, for all those astonished mothers out there. Anyways, I got cozy on the couch, nestled my bowl of strawberries and whip cream on my lap, preparing my mind to slow down. And I heard it. WHAAA! WHAAA! WHAAA! Frustrated I got up and walked to Gianna's room. "What's wrong" I asked, pretending that I was concerned. "I don't want to grow up" she cried with the biggest tears I have seen! "Why are you worried about that?" "Because", she replied. "I don't want to drive!" "Well, " I said, trying hard not to laugh. " You won't be grown up for a long time. You don't have to worry". I hugged her. "How many days?" she asked as she wrapped her tiny fingers around my neck. "Thousands upon thousands" I said as I kissed her wet chubby face.

My Lovely Nail

2009-07-22T09:36:00.001-07:00

I've had ghetto toes for the last few weeks. My feet have gone through the ringer with white water rafting and camping for a week. All I had left was a smudge of pink on the big toe with a decal of a white flower. Damn...I got my moneys worth on that five dollar decal! Lesson learned..never go to a party in flip flops where all your friends can see your ghetto toes! They will pin you down and give you a good ol fashion pedicure. How many friends does it take to paint 10 toes? Three! One to wipe off the nail polish, one to file and put on the base coat, and one to paint them bright orange. The best part? Pretending we were in a chinese nail salon! Pick you color...you want decal?....I give you one pretty nail! Cindy and Ronda tried to give me a decal of a blue flower, but it ended up looking like a blue blob. Thank goodness, through the wine, they admitted that the fee (free) decal was butt ugly....and they started over again! Gotta love those friends who pretend that they are chinese manicurists! Not only that....they look just as good and I saved myself 30 bucks! Not only do I have one lublee (lovely) nail, I have 10 lublee (lovely) toes with no decal! You know you have good friends when they can touch your gross feet. Thanks for the makeover Pam, Cindy, and Ronda! You be friend fo long time!

Life's A Leech

2009-07-02T21:03:00.000-07:00

Okay..back to my rafting stories...Nina's last day of chemo took storytelling priority! So...we rafted on Friday for 6 miles. It was hard to enjoy at first because I was so nervous. When we finally set up camp for the night, we decided to go on a hike. I thought hike meant...trails! But basically we had to fight through mounds of rocks, logs, and uneven terrain. It must have been at least 95 degrees out too! On our way, my feet slipped out in front of me and I hit my head on a large boulder. After the fall, I felt very insecure about trekking the rest, but my pride got the best of me and I continued. I should have called it quits. I fell later down the hike, into some stagnant water. I soon felt something on my back and reached my hand back to swoop up three "small black worms." It grossed me out a little, but I paid no attention, until I found a few more on my arms and felt some on my legs. My friend Melanie had decided to walk with me to make sure I was okay after my first fall. I called her over to give my body a little "check over". She looked straight at me and said way too calm...."Those are leeches babe." I freaked out inside, although Melanie says I was pretty calm. I did not hesitate to strip every ounce of clothing off my body and stand naked in the middle of no where, while my friend brushed leeches off me and washed my clothes in the river. If I was thinking straight..I should have left them on my thighs for a while....cheap liposuction. Needless to say, I was the first to drink Margaritas when we got back to camp! Thanks to Melanie...who I am indebted to...and better never, ever tell anyone about my luscious body.

NINA'S CHEMO FINISH LINE!

2009-07-01T10:29:00.001-07:00

It was one of those moments that put you in a fog, but at the same time you could remember where you were, what you were wearing, and what song was playing on the radio. I saw Cindy's name cross the screen of my cell phone and answered it in my normal crazy way. And soon was knocked to the ground when she told me Nina had breast cancer. It was October. And today, it is the end of June. I look back in the middle of it all, and that is where the strength of a woman was born and Nina's boob crew was formed. There were titty pity parties, chemo calls, pink M&M's, bright pink shirts that got many uses, shots of tequila, bottles of wine, tears, prayers, faith that no one knew they had, infamous never ending emails, sisterhood beyond comparison, crazy dances with no rhythm, boob squeezes, dew rags, Relay for Life, Love, and above all Laughter! We rallied around one another, held each other up- for it was better to do it together, then to do it alone! Goodbye Cancer....Hello New Boobies!

I SURVIVED!

2009-06-29T10:10:00.001-07:00

I'm back from one of the best trips ever! Can I get a WOOT WOOT for White Water Rafting? Loved it! It was exhilarating and scary, not knowing what to expect. The first 10 minutes when we got into the raft, I immediately wanted to tie an anchor around my ankle and just jump out - kill myself before the rapids got me! Our guide scared the crap out of me. He told us that if we did not work as a team, he would not send us out on the water and he was not comfortable with our rafting skills. Well...what did he know? The very first rapid, one of the other boats had a woman overboard and my friend Tina and I saved her out of the water. Talk about adrenaline rush. Take that...river guide! I loved the hot sun beating down, the rush of the warm breeze in my ears, and the shiver down my spine when the water came over me! I loved to hear Jackie screaming like she was on a roller coaster, Ann giggling like a five year old, Reyna saying funny comments just at the right time, Debbie smiling, and for Tina who was by my side the whole trip! It was funny because everyone called us the "church boat". But what they didn't hear was the "OH SHITS" that spewed out of my mouth, every time I got tossed about! Keep reading this week because I have some more stories to tell!

Scared Stupid

2009-06-24T09:29:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I leave for a great adventure of white water rafting. I have been looking forward to this for months! I believe it is a class four trip. There is 18 women total who decided to throw their lives on the line with me. Some of the ladies are scared to death. And to be honest with you, I haven't been scared one bit. The excitement of it all gives me an adrenaline rush! I can't wait to try something new and out of the daily routine of life. But I do have one fear, that is completely real to me....here it is...true confessions.....can't you hear the drum's rolling?....It's getting my ass in a swimsuit! I hate every part of it! From the walking to the aisle of swimsuits, to the dressing room, to getting naked in a large unfamiliar room with mirrors enclosing around me! I settled on a pair of ugly brown swim board shorts...ugly as the way I feel when exposing my white cellulite legs. Isn't it funny, that I'm scared of stupid stuff like that, but can climb Half Dome, do a zip line, and raft on a class four? But to get me into a suit in public can literally make my heart race!

MIRROR, MIRROR, ON THE WALL

2009-06-22T13:36:00.000-07:00

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall...when we look at you....you tell us all! So, why don't some people actually look at themselves before they go out to a function? I know from personal experience that I do. For instance, this weekend I had a wedding to attend. So...I stood in front of the mirror and busted out my dance moves to the beat in my head. I lifted my hands above my head. Check...shirt didn't ride up. I squatted down. Check...no crack showing.... Bra..holding on tight. Okay...we are good to go! Call me crazy, but I want to be noted for my incredible dance moves...not for my stomach or underwear showing. Apparently, there were other girls at the wedding that did not do the mirror check. And word to the wise.......if you don't do "the check", at least bring an honest and sober friend, that will tell you if your nipple was showing!

MEET DUKE!

2009-06-17T10:29:00.000-07:00

Meet our new family member. Justin rescued him from the pound yesterday and surprised me by bringing him home.

Is Honesty The Best Policy?

2009-06-04T10:00:00.000-07:00

I was woken up this morning by my husband shaking me quietly. "Rochelle. Shhhhh! I need you to come with me." Why? I asked, still thinking I was in a dream. "I need you to tell me if this is Oscar." What? Where? I was sure I was in a nightmare now. I climbed out of bed in my Christmas pajamas (in June), red tank top, no bra, and slipped on my flip flops. I followed Justin down the street and around the corner, to find our cat laying on the sidewalk. He was hit by a car and I was helpless. Justin placed our black and white kitty in a garbage bag and I walked back sobbing. What am I going to tell the kids? And when? I decided not to tell them this morning, they were just too happy when they woke up. I couldn't wreck that. I thought about not telling them at all and just telling them that he ran away. But I know Brandon would worry his little heart out. Death is a process of life and sometimes you just have to feel the sadness of it all. Although, I find as a mother, it's double the pain to see your children hurting!

Over Ridden

2009-05-29T15:15:00.000-07:00

In the depths of a dark garage, in a small moving box, a wild mommy cat gave birth to four fur balls at my mother in laws house. All seven grandchildren were excited. But Brandon was the most elated. "Mom! They're so cute! Mom! I love them! Mom! They are so tiny! And Mom? Can I get one?" I knew that question was coming, but had decided to kick in my super parenting skills of selective hearing. Until my mother in law called..."Gram? How are the kitties? Tell me what they look like again? Are they getting big? Did you take them from the mommy yet? Are you going to take them to the vet?" And then a loud voice appeared like a gripping darkness..."YOU ARE NOT GETTING ONE OF THOSE THINGS!" It was dad. In one millisecond flat, a nine year olds pure joys was changed to heart breaking disappointment and the crocodile tears began to flow. I was mad to say the least! And before I knew it, I committed myself to a kitty..."I don't give a shit what he says....you're getting that damn cat!" Oops..foot in mouth (that's why God gave me a size 11 foot - since it needs to be big enough!) Brandon laughed and cried at the same time, since I shocked him. And me? I shocked myself and will be hiding a little fur ball from the dad of the house!

All I've Ever Needed To Learn from Kindergarten Moms

2009-05-08T12:22:00.000-07:00

30 plus moms, wearing their flowered best and newly pedicured toes, trekked out to the kindergarten garden. Nicely place flowers sat on the vinyl pink tablecloth, while the chocolate chip cookies baked for the second time by the sun. The long line of 5 and 6 year olds, sang their hearts out to their mothers, holding tightly to the special cards they made each of us. There was not a dry eye in the garden. Luckily, some of the flowers needed watering! And we were all there for one single purpose - our children. I see these women on a daily basis, as I whizz by them during the morning rush. And what I realized is that no matter what background we come from - we want the best for our children. We share the same struggles as moms, trying to find the balance of being the best mom we can and not forgetting our own worth as a woman. I also learned that ever mom has that internal scream...the one that no one can hear, but every other mom can read on your face. The..."OH MY GOODNESS! GET ME OUT OF HERE"...moments. But then it makes me feel normal, that I am not the only one. And note to self....never wear a short flowered dress that a three year old could climb under and scream out loud so the rest of the world can hear..."Mommy, I see your underwear!" Phew...glad it wasn't me!

DOORBELL DITCH

2009-05-04T12:29:00.000-07:00

We all have those neighbors that you just don't want to mess with. The ones that you are secretly afraid of because you never see them coming or going. And you wonder what in the heck they do in that house all day long. Are they hiding dead bodies? Your mind starts to wonder...you know? I've lived in my neighborhood almost 8 years now and really haven't said much to these people I've shared a sidewalk with. Yesterday, I was forced to meet them, as my nine year old son decided it would be a GREAT idea to doorbell ditch them. If it wasn't for my 3 year old nephew, who decided to tattle on his older cousin. And believe me, it wasn't easy trying to figure out the story from a little tow headed toddler. But eventually, Brandon came clean with the story and decided on his own, that he had to apologize. We walked down the street, got to the door, and the doorbell didn't look so inviting to Brandon anymore. But he did apologize to the neighbors, who didn't seem so bad after all. Although, I did tell my son, the last boy that they caught doorbell ditching, has never come out of their house yet! I think he'll think twice next time.

IT'S OKAY TO BREATHE

2009-04-23T14:42:00.000-07:00

I've been holding my breath for months now! Life has been a roller coaster, full of ups and downs. Just when I think its okay to let go at the top, no one can hear me scream on my way down. I've feared turning the corner, shutting my eyes, afraid of what is around the bend. And finally, I have found beauty around the cancer corner. My friend Maile found out that her melonoma did not spread into her lymph nodes! Thank God. It seems that cancer has been the theme of my life the past couple of months. I don't want to answer my phone at night because I'm fearful of who is on the other end and the news that they are about to share. But, having so many friends, that are battling this demon, has put life into a new category. Live your best life. Make love matter. Don't sweat the stupid crap! Live it the way God intended! And just breathe!

I'LL GIVE YOU A SOCK...IN THE HEAD!

2009-04-02T13:34:00.001-07:00

I packed my entire backpack on Saturday for our 20 mile hike. However, I couldn't seem to find my wool socks that are a definite must on such a long trek. I thought that maybe I had misplaced them in my husbands sock drawer. Sure enough, there was a pair. I was certain they were mine. So I took them. Well....lets go back to my husband's childhood...lets say...about 20 years ago when the flannel shirts were a fad. Apparently, my husbands two sisters use to take his flannel shirts without asking. Taking his socks (on accident, I must emphasis) put him back to when he was a teenager! "Don't go in my drawers without asking! Why can't I have anything of my own? Where are your own socks?" Well, lets see..... I thought those were my socks because I took them. If I knew were my own were, I wouldn't have used yours! Duh! He kept pressing me...wanting to know where my wool socks were. "Why? Why do you want to know so bad," I replied with my jaw clenched tighter then Fort Knox. "Because I want to wear them on my hiking trip,"he replied! Did I miss the bus somewhere along this road of conversation? I can't wear his stuff, but he can wear mine? I'll give him a sock....in the head!

Surrender

2009-03-23T10:08:00.001-07:00

I got a call Friday on my way to work. "Rochelle, they have a spot open at the Women's Retreat, if you want to go!" Well........let me think about that. No way! I'm really mad at God right now. I'm mad that my friend is gone. I'm mad that my other friend has cancer. I'm mad that my children are brats. I'm mad that I am overwhelmed. "Okay, let me see what I can work out," I say to my friend because I don't want to disappoint her. I knew that my husband would not want me to go and I also knew that we were shorthanded at work. Excuses, Excuses! So I knew, it was going to be impossible. I half heatedly asked my husband and my boss and without hesitation they both said, "GO!" Great....just great! Now, I'm committed. And you know what? God planned out every small detail. I ended up staying in a room all by myself, which is totally out of character for me! But such a blessing. I really got to take a good look at who I am and how God takes care of every small detail in our lives. I learned that I may not understand why things happen, but that I have a God that will hold me through it all, big and small.

Missing You!

2009-03-09T14:26:00.000-07:00

My friend Shannan Wirt lost her battle with leukemia on March 5, 2009. Even though it has only been 5 days, it already seems like an eternity. I look back at time - only one year ago - and she didn't even know that she had this disease. It really puts life into perspective. I will miss so much about her - her love for my son, her generosity, her positive attitude, her beauty, her spunk, the way she would shave ice and put real lemon on top, how she got me to get into a dang swimsuit, and our intimate talks about husbands and children. Can someone please pinch me? Cloverdale is such a small town and I just know I'm going to run into her somewhere! It's really painful to lose a friend. I can't even seem to ask the question why anymore. I'm trusting that Gods timing is His own - although at this moment I'm not agreeing with His timing at all!

Four years ago, when I took the chance to introduce myself to her, I never thought that I would be standing up in front of hundreds of people, pouring my heart out at her memorial service. Whatever it is in your life....please....please.......take the chance........I promise, you'll be glad you did!

My Rock Star!

2009-03-04T09:39:00.000-08:00

It's an inside joke between my friend Nina and I - you only make my blog if you have cancer! Well obviously she has cancer because she made my blog! October she was diagnosed with breast cancer, had a double mastectomy in January, and just started her chemo in February. Yesterday, her hair started to fall out. Well if it was me, I probably would have cried myself to sleep and then hid in a dark bomb shelter until my hair grew back! Nina? Oh no! Can't hold that girl down. She took advantage of the opportunity and made herself look like a rock star. She called me last night to tell me she got her hair cut and was going to stop by my work today to show me. When I walked out of my office and saw her face, I could see her strength and her confidence. When I saw her rock star hair, I was certain she was going to pull her electric guitar out of her back pocket and start singing something from White Snake! Cancer is not going to bring her down! She is going to kick its butt with flying colors! She is a true rock star in my eyes!

Dear Cancer

2009-03-02T08:49:00.000-08:00

I never invited you into my life, but you came anyway. You bullied yourself right into my friend's body, like a thief in the night. Did you think you were going to steal her dignity away? Did you think that by making her body weak, you would destroy the strong independent woman that she is? Did you think by stripping away her hair upon her head and her lashes from her loving eyes that she would become less beautiful? Did you think by taking her voice away, that I would not know how much she loves those around her? Don't think for a minute that you have conquered. Don't think for a second that the children that are left behind won't be the ones to figure out the cure! Don't think that those that have been touched by her life won't love harder, love stronger, or love deeper. Don't think that even though we don't have any control, that God holds her in His hands!

LETS MAKE A DEAL

2009-02-25T16:28:00.000-08:00

My name use to be Rochelle Hall...........not Monty Hall (from the old show Lets Make a Deal). But I swear, sometimes I feel like I'm always cutting a deal with someone in my life...husband, kids, and clients. Can I just say that clients are the worst! Especially in the insurance industry. Today, I got an email from someone who wanted a quote, but also wanted me to guarantee them (in writing...I might add) that their insurance will never go up! Okay first of all....what planet are you on! Would you like me to write it in blood? And when does anything ever go down in life? (I just thought of one thing...but I won't even go there!) Anyways.....back to the subject! Where do people think they can boss and bully others around by "making" them guarantee something? That is just not going to happen. Do you go to Safeway and demand a letter that the price of milk will never go up....or produce.....or the price of deli meat? The price is what it is! And the only reason why I'm telling this story is because a lot of people have been missing my blog writing and I had to think of something. Although, I am honored that so many people cared about my blog because I was feeling like no one was reading it! So thanks! And I want you to write me a letter guaranting that you will be my faithful blog reader forever! Now, that's a deal!

Kid Swap

2009-01-26T14:42:00.000-08:00

As long as I've known my friend Vicki, which has been a mere 30 Years, she has always loved games. Whether it was a game show or a board game, Vicki has always been a die hard game player. I was venting to her the other day about parenting and how children don't grasp the idea of gratitude towards their parents. And then it hit Vicki - A Game Show called Kid Swap. Why don't we swap our children with other parents. The purpose? To slap our children into reality, that we truly are not as bad as they think we are. Although, there is a kicker to this game......they are placed in a third world country.....not in America. They will realize that life is not easy. Things just come easily here. For instance (which Vicki and I discussed with pains in our stomachs - from laughing so hard)........we will send our children to Uganda. Instead of playing the Wii - they will play.....Wii is poor! I swear it makes me laugh just writing about it.

You Know You Are Old When..........

2009-01-16T16:13:00.000-08:00

1. You keep plucking the same chin hair from the same spot, every two weeks
2. You start driving the speed limit
3. Cartoon voices sound annoying
4. You need coffee before you can function for the day
5. You notice that people born in the 90's are of driving age
6. Kids that you babysat when you were a teenager, are getting married
7. You can't call your best friend after 8:00pm because they might be in bed
8. You consider wearing Spanx
9. Sleep is more important than sex. Oh wait, even when I was younger...I thought that!
10. Eating ice cream with your spouse is considered foreplay!

How Did I Get Here?

2009-01-09T11:38:00.000-08:00

I can close my eyes sometimes and completely revert back to my younger days. I can smell the stuffy cafeteria, envision my friend with oranges stuck in her braces, feel the slick parachute pants against my legs, and feel the pain of my calloused hands from the monkey bars. THOSE WERE THE DAYS! And in an instant......I'm 35! What? How can that be? Who pressed the fast forward button? I have a house. I have a husband. I have children. I drive a minivan. I have a job. I'm an adult! But, I must say.....sometimes I don't feel like one. I still feel like a kid inside. I still love to sit around with my friends, eat ice cream, and laugh until my stomach screams! I've been evaluating my life.....since 35 is sooooo close to 40! Am I who I want to be? Hmmmm? The answer? Sometimes. There are moments in my life that I look in the mirror and I ask the reflection...who are you? What do you like to do? Are you more than just a wife and a mother? Of course I am! My resolution for this year (since it is so close to my birthday) is to find what makes me happy as a person - to take care of me. Because if Mama ain't happy......nobody is happy!

DRAWING ATTENTION

2009-01-06T12:36:00.000-08:00

Justin insisted that I go to the store to get ice cream the other night...might I add...at 8:00pm. I really was done for the night. But the thought of pure creamy sugar nudged me into my minivan. As I was walking through the store, I heard..bang, bang, bang. Metal against metal. Bang, Bang, Bang. Where the hell is that noise coming from? It was irritating me beyond belief. Not to mention, its around the first of the month...PMS. And then I see HIM! A fifty something year old man, banging his foot against the cart as he walked. It wasn't necessary for him to walk that way. He just wanted to draw attention to himself. First of all....when you have hair that looks like a fisher price lawn mower attacked the middle of your head...you don't draw attention to yourself.....you creep along the supermarket aisles. All he needed to do was go into the aisle of hair products, dye it red, put on some big shoes, and he would have looked exactly like Bozo the Clown. And I needed to go into the aisle of sedatives to calm myself down!

Come and Gone

2008-12-31T09:06:00.000-08:00

Wasn't it just 2008? I blinked my eyes for just one second and here we are in 2009! This year has been full of accomplishments, growth, life lessons, changes, and lots of love! I've learned above all things that sometimes being pushed out of your comfort zone is just what we need. How are you going to grow if you never take a step forward? This year I took a lot of steps forward as my friends and I hiked Half Dome. I felt pushed to the limit with life circumstances that my friends were (and are) going through. Cancer has been my driving force this year, since I know many people who have been diagnosed this year. It has caused me to love outside of myself and look beyond the superficial. I never thought that giving of myself would feel so good. I've learned that I'm not in control, even when I feel like I am. I've learned to lean on God more then ever this year. Don't get me wrong.....to grow....you've gotta feel some growing pains.....but looking back it was all worth it. 2008 has come and gone and I'm looking forward to 2009!

Slow Down

2008-12-22T09:47:00.000-08:00

You all know the routine! October hits and the Christmas stuff is already out at Costco! The race has begun and there is no stopping until New Years day. I always say that I'm not going to get caught up in it all... but somehow it slowly creeps into my life. There has been many functions this last month and I have had the mentality of not thinking ahead. One day at a time (and I feel like busting out in the one day at at a time theme song from the 1970's sitcom). Anyways, (see how easily I get sidetracked)..... I've been trying not to feel how tired I actually am. When the exhaustion sets in, I grab another cup of denial and a mug of coffee. Well...it has finally hit. Let me just say, that if you don't take care of yourself, your body will eventually break down. God decides to throw you down like a Sumu wrestler. He will arm wrestle you down! So, if you haven't guessed...I'm sick. And I hate being sick because the world doesn't stop. But I am blessed that I have 3 days off this week...to just slow down. Just one more day of work....just one day at a time!

MRI

2008-12-15T13:17:00.000-08:00

Gianna has had headaches for about 8 months now. I've taken her to the doctors on several occasions and they seem to think that they are just classic migraines. But the doctor wanted to just make sure, so today she had an MRI. She did really well, except for that fact that she was starving when she woke up from the sedation. When we first made the appoinment, the doctor wanted to know if she could stay still for 30 minutes. HMMMMM!? Does it take a rocket scientist to figure out if a 5 year old can sit still? Let me answer that. NO! She can't sit still for more than 30 seconds. Anyways...when she woke up she was starving and I swear she drank her 7 Up in about 3 seconds and downed the saltine crackers, like she was starving from a third world country. Daughter like Mother. Also, while we were being wheeled in a wheelchair to the recovery room, my friend Nina was being wheeled in the same hallway. She is getting her lumpectomy today. We both stopped in the hallway and held each other's hand. Meant to be!

Oh No ......He Di'int

2008-12-10T13:17:00.000-08:00

"Hey, Hon? I'm going to the store to by shaving cream....do you need anything?" Wow, what a nice gesture....thinking beyond his own needs. We really are going somewhere in this relationship...or so I thought. "Yes, please. I need some hairspray," I replied with a little sexiness in my voice. If he gives to me...I'll give to him. I get the kids ready for bed, while he goes to the store to get the needed items. He comes back home, excited that he got my hairspray on sale. " I can't believe it was on sale," he says joyously. "WELL! HELLO!" I yell as he pulls out the propane size container of Aqua Net! "This crap is always on sale!" Are you trying to kill me? Have you ever smelled this crap! I didn't even know they still sold this stuff.....isn't it illegal? What year are we in? 1980? Never trust a man to buy you hairspray!

Did You Miss Me?

2008-12-05T11:14:00.001-08:00

Well... Hello blog. Did you miss me? I just blinked my eyes and here we are in December. My life is still back in June and can't seem to catch up. Oh well... if I live to see tomorrow all the things I have to do will still be there. Lots going on. Brandon is practicing for his first music concert. He plays the recorder and will be playing Hot Cross Buns and Gently Sleep. I can't gently sleep because I have been hearing him practice for the last couple of weeks. Isn't it funny how we want our children to be well rounded and to learn an instrument? And then they get it home and your thinking......why? Why do I put myself through such torture! Maybe in 20 years, when he is in a rock bank, I'll appreciate it. Gianna is practicing for The Nutcracker. And of course, she is A Flower. Any music that comes on, she does her flower routine. Very Cute. And like there isn't enough to do.....I'm in the church play this Sunday. I hate getting up in front of people. I know! I can hear you through these pages saying. "What? Rochelle, doesn't like to get up in front of people?" Well, no I don't. I'm afraid I'll forget my lines. I can get up and get crazy in small groups. But always seem to be a nervous wreck when it isn't impromptu. Oh well, if I want to get famous, I guess I have to start somewhere.

GIVING THANKS

2008-11-25T09:43:00.000-08:00

I'm thankful for:
Waking up every morning with a roof over my head and the smell of coffee that my husband makes for me every morning. Cuddling my children in their beds and the smell of their freshly washed hair and jammies. For my job that provides me money to live. For all the ladies that I work with - they are more than just co-workers, but friends. For my health. My husband and children. I'm thankful for my friends and the little blessings that they give to me on a daily basis. I'm thankful for the gift of humor - for without it I don't think I would have made it this far. For Starbucks and Subway, my two favorite places. For SPANX, which hold in the fat rolls when you want to "appear" thin. I'm thankful for fuzzy socks that keep my feet warm at night. The way my kids whisper mommy. The way my friends hug me tight, even though I just was with them yesterday. The way my husband kisses me in the morning when I'm pretending to sleep. I'm thankful for God, who has never failed me and never has let go.

OUT OF THE COMFORT ZONE

2008-11-20T09:47:00.001-08:00

It all started with a simple trip to Walmart. I found this silly 70's costume and wanted to put it to use. But how? My question was answered as I was blasting my radio in the car. I WILL SURVIVE came blaring out of my speakers. "Lets do a spoof video for our friend Shannan to this song!" To say the least, I was totally excited. I told some other girls and they looked at me like I was nuts! Okay.....I am nuts, but that is beside the point. It took a lot of convincing, a couple shots of tequila, and a few glasses of wine to get these girls to step out of their comfort zone. And We Did IT. I just wished someone would have told me that my butt looked like the entire Home and Garden Center at Home Depot in those flowered pants. Who says the camera adds 10lbs? But the amazing thing is that all of these ladies pushed themselves out of their comfort level, all in the name of love for a friend. I got an email earlier today from my friend Cheryl who thanked me for making her do something that she would not have normally done. And it is always so much more fun to do new things with a group of friends! And THEY SURVIVED! Who knows? We may be the next GIRL BAND!

KALEIDOSCOPE

2008-11-19T12:01:00.000-08:00

Loose bits of color surround us in life. Joy. Happiness. Laughter. Then there are the little pieces of unwanted plastic. Sorrow. Illness. Pain. Whether bits of plastic or colorful glass in our lives, it reflects who are. It may seem chaotic in the moment as our days turn and no clear picture can be viewed. Our lives our constantly changing. But then we see it. The Beauty. All of it comes together. And its God's hands who turn our kaleidoscope. Last night was such a blessing. The kids and I went to visit Shannan. She will be leaving on Monday for Stanford to begin her long journey - radiation, chemotherapy, and bone marrow transplant. As I sat and talked to her, I was overwhelmed with how beautiful she was. You can't help but love her, even though she makes you sick with how good she looks at 97lbs and a bandana on her head. If I wore a bandana on my bald head, I'd look like Mr. Clean. But her spirit is beyond any words that I can place on this blank page. With everything going on in her life, she is still amazing. Trusting that the One who holds her life in His hands, will turn this into something beautiful.

PMS

2008-11-17T09:01:00.000-08:00

P M S! If anyone says its not real.....look me in the face right now and you can see the PMS rage fuming from my eyes. On second thought...you better not ask because you may not want to suffer my wrath (I do have a sharp object within hands grasp). I don't even like myself at this time of month. And it takes me a week before I realize why I hate life so much. I should have realized it when I ate a whole (deluxe movie size) box of Milk Duds in two seconds flat! Oh Yeah! Duh? My period is coming. I hate everything and everyone around me. I can't explain it. I feel like I'm being swallowed up by a silent force. Things that normally don't bother me can quickly get under my skin. I can see it happening around me, but can't stop it. It's as if I'm watching my life from a movie screen. Or when you see something bad happening and you can't get the words out to stop it. And then its too late. Your snippy, crazy, hate life attitude, has already reared its ugly head. Words have been said that shouldn't have. I swear sometimes my husband must really love me because he just hangs in there! The period starts and Boom! I feel better. So for those of you who don't believe in PMS---come to my house around the 10th of each month--you will change your mind!

HEART STRINGS

2008-11-12T09:01:00.000-08:00

Parenting. Mistakes. Exhaustion. Forgiveness. Just breath, I tell myself on a moment by moment basis. I swear Lamaze was not for the birthing process, but for the hard parenting moments in life. Breath in. Breath out. But in the end, there is a blessing that you can hold on to. I never knew parenting could be so difficult. I thought I had it all figured out, since I was such a great babysitter when I was younger. It is so much different when the children are your own. Brandon and I are two peas in a pod. We both wear our hearts on our sleeves. Saturday night, we had some battles. Did I also mention that Brandon is so much like me when it comes to his hard head? Well, he decided that he wanted to move out on Saturday night. It was about 9:00pm and it was storming out. I told him go ahead, but he couldn't bring anything with him, since it was all mine. No pillows. No blankets. No food. He second guessed himself and I still have an eight year old living under my roof. We ended up having a good discussion after that. I told him that being sorry is changing your behavior. I think he understood, since I got his heart wrenching letter, that was placed so gently on my pillow.

COMMUNITY

2008-11-06T09:24:00.000-08:00

Everyone wants to be a part of something. That is the way our human minds and hearts were created - to have a sense of belonging. What good would life be if you lived it alone? I am blessed to live in my community. I have always said, "If something goes wrong, I know I will have meals for years!" Last night, was my friend Shannan's fund raiser. I believe over 400 tickets were sold and people actually had to be turned away at the door. Even though they were turned away, they still donated money. Pints upon pints of blood were also donated in honor of Shannan. Men jumped in and moved tables and carried heavy filled ice chests. Women sliced bread, stirred spaghetti sauce, sold t-shirts. Children ran around like "little gophers" retrieving what ever was needed. It all came together for one purpose. For Shannan. It always amazes me how just one life can effect the lives of others. And sitting in that room last night, I felt the love of so many people. Shannan always says ,"Live and Love like there is no tomorrow. Make this day the best day of your life." Leukemia was not the deciding factor of how Shannan lives - she lived that way before she was diagnosed. And the community is better off for having her in our lives.

Happy Halla Ween

2008-10-31T10:50:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween Everybody! Peace Out!

HELD

2008-10-30T08:48:00.000-07:00

As I sit and write this, the blank page feels like a mountain to climb. I can't even find the right words to even say. I truly feel like I'm in a little fog. So here we go again! My friend Nina was diagnosed with breast cancer yesterday! WHAT IS GOING ON? Two friends in two months? I'm just struck with heavy emotions. Here's the deal though! I know she'll get through this. Nina is strong, funny, and loved by many. She will be held by those around her and carried by God, who is always there in joy and sorrow. That is a promise that Nina and those around her can hang on to - TO BE HELD. When our arms are just not big enough, God wraps himself around our hearts. And He gives us friends around us, that can uplift us when we are discouraged. I am remembering back a few weeks ago when Shannan was diagnosed with Leukemia and I received an email from Nina. Nina has already answered life's question.....What is our purpose? To love. She said that she just wanted to go home and hug her children tighter. And I'm sure she did that last night. I love you Nina Bonita!

LAUGHTER IS NOT SILENT ON DEAF EARS

2008-10-29T09:08:00.000-07:00

There were a lot of parents that attended the overnight field trip to Pepperwood Preserve last week. There are 20 kids in Brandon's class and about 18 parents toughed it out! That is itself is amazing. But one mom intrigued me. She is deaf. My heart went out to her because I could see that this was not a comfortable situation for her. She sat in corner and just "people watched." I got my nerve up and went over to her. I introduced myself and very awkwardly played word charades with her. It was cool because she was so good at reading lips. So, off we went on a beautiful hike. The ranger stopped us and told us to look up at some birds that were nesting in a tree. I put my hand on Lynn's shoulder and told her to stop. She shrugged her shoulders and mouthed the words "What?" I enclosed my fingers in little circles, put them over my eyes like glasses and said, "LOOK" I bent my elbows to my sides and flapped my wings like a bird and said, "Bird". She started cracking up, which made me laugh. And she said in her deaf voice, "That is not the sign for Bird! You just told me we were looking at a chicken!" Who said I couldn't make deaf people laugh?

Quick Updates on Many Blessings

2008-10-27T09:11:00.000-07:00

I feel like my life has been stuck on the fast forward button! I haven't had a chance to sit back and just be thankful. First of all - my friend Shannan's test results came back on Thursday. The second chemo worked and they see no cancer in her bones. So now she needs to build her white blood cells up, eat and gain weight, to get transferred to Stanford. Once she gets there she will have more treatments and then a bone marrow transplant. Her sister was a perfect match! Can I hear an AMEN?!! That is something to be truly thankful for! Next - I went on an overnight field trip with Brandon on Thursday to Pepperword Preserve. It was so nice to have one on one time. I really took advantage of just spending those moments with him. His eyes are so open to the little things in nature - he made me appreciate those things that I take for granted. Saturday, was Gianna's last soccer game, that she really didn't want to go to. And then the game clicked for her. Midfield she kicked the ball, followed through, and scored her very first goal. I didn't know whether to just watch or click the camera. But life is so different from behind a lens. I let the camera down and just relished in her first soccer goal! Yesterday, we did pumpkin carving, a hay ride and cookie decorating at my mother in laws. All in all, a good week. Do you know why they call it Fall? Because your sooo busy - you are going to fall down in exhaustion! But Blessed!

Not Just an Ordinary "Graham" Cracker

2008-10-22T08:53:00.000-07:00

I knew early on that this boy did not come from an ordinary mold. Any teenage boy that can put up with preteen girls is pretty special. I remember spending the night at my friend Tasha's house and her brother Graham graciously getting through the night. But then when the breakfast came out - WATCH OUT- he would pick on the skinny girls, like Vicki. She'd barely put a bite of pancake in her mouth and he would say, "Are you going to finish that?" I'm sure Vicki wanted to stab him with her fork. And then in a blink of an eye, 20 years flew by, and he is married to one of my best friends. My heart has grown fonder of this man, day by day. The little things that I see him do for so many people (including for me) is always done with a pure heart. He even made his wife VEGAN Brownies! What a guy! A couple of weeks ago he was outside with Gianna hula hooping. I wish I had a picture of that because it was the sweetest thing. He is such a gentle giant. Happy Birthday Graham! You are no ordinary cracker!

BOO HOO! ONLY ONE SHOE!

2008-10-17T10:54:00.000-07:00

Don't you hate when your routine is a little out of whack? You just can't shake the feeling that something will go wrong because just one thing is off? Welp! That was me yesterday. I cleaned out my car in the morning, threw the kids in their seats, and we were off to school. It was my first field trip that I was going to go on with Gianna to the Pumpkin Patch. When we arrived at school I loaded them out, only to realize that Gianna had only one shoe! One freakin shoe! I swear I started to sweat. I started stalking mothers as they drove into the parking lot, not even waiting for them to get out of the car. By the way, I don't know any of these people. It was called DESPERATION! "Excuse me! You don't know me, but do you have any spare shoes in your car?" Its not like I live around the corner and can just go home to get her shoes. I live 40 miles from the damn school. The whole time, as I'm holding a 54lb child on my hip with a loaded backpack, Gianna is whining in my ear...."Mommy I don't want to wear boys shoes! If someone gives me boy shoes, I won't wear them. I will just wear my one shoe and one sock!" Okay, like that will work. Thankfully, I ended up with three pairs of shoes in 15 minutes and yes...they were all pink!

Tasha Bo Basha!

2008-10-15T09:43:00.000-07:00

Picture it.... 3rd grade. A little blond girl, purple shirt, with homemade braided plastic barrettes in her hair, quite as mouse, ,wouldn't hurt a fly, and sweet spirited. Now picture this... dark brown haired girl, tousled hair like a rats nest, ragged jeans, loud, tomboy (some would even say a bully) and funny. Some would say that this friendship would never work! You may even go as far as to say, that the quiet one never had a choice, cuz the loud one just demanded that they be friends. But obviously it worked because it has been 25 years of true friendship. I love Tasha's quiet spirit and it is something that I truly value for many reasons. One is...when she talks, I really listen. Two...when she is funny, she is really funny. Three...what she says always has importance. Four... I don't have a quietness about me and I appreciate it. There is a pureness about it - that one can lead there life by example, not by their words that are spoken. That is my friend Tasha. The last couple of years, our friendship has flourished. We have climbed Half Dome together, laughed and cried at Women of Faith, and screamed together on California Screamin! We have had a blast. And I look forward to many more fun times! Happy Birthday Tasha. You are the best!

LETS GET TOGETHER! FOR A FRIEND

2008-10-13T10:28:00.000-07:00

My friend Shannan Wirt has been diagnosed with AML Luekemia. She has been through quite a journey for the past several years, beginning with her son who was diagnosed with a rare blood cancer. Then two years ago her husband was treated for Lymphoma. And then this August, thinking she had strep throat and Mono, she went to the doctor. And we all wished that is was the strep and Mono, but it was an unexpected diagnosis - Leukemia. Have you ever felt hit in the stomach and you can't catch your breathe? Well, all of Cloverdale lost their breathe that day. She is the most positive person I know and is using her story for good. How can all this happen to one family? She is rallying for someone to step in and admit that it is in our environment and we need to do something about it! Please visit her journal at http://www.caringbridge.org/ and type her name shannanwirt under "enter website name. Please forward her journal to anyone you know because you never know who's hands it will get into. We all need to rally together to help our friend and our community! And pray, pray, pray!

FREEDOM OF FRIENDSHIP

2008-10-08T09:45:00.001-07:00

A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself-and especially to feel, or not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at any moment is fine with them. That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what she really is. And that is why it is so easy to love my friend Tina. It's her birthday today and I wish her many more years of happiness to come. Our friendship is "A God Thing", as Tina would say. She has been passing through my life ever since we were teenagers. And then at the toughest moments in our lives, God brought us together. And it has been a wonderful journey ever since. We've laughed, cried, shared our deepest thoughts, and even shared the "ugly parts" about ourselves. Speaking of ugly parts - we've even showed one another the cellulite on our legs - now that is true freedom and letting go. I truly am blessed with her friendship. Its funny because a lot of people think she is so quite and reserved. And I see the exact opposite. I see a silly, laugh to your stomach aches, kind of girl. Her heart is bigger than anyone I know. She makes me want to be a better person in so many aspects of my life because of the way she lives her own life. Happy Birthday Tina! I know that we will grow old together, but our friendship will always feel new! You are so easily loved by me.

Good Ol" Halloween

2008-10-07T13:39:00.000-07:00

I'm usually on top of the Halloween decorations. I love this season. The ever changing colors, changes in weather, and the smells of the fresh ground. Time passed by quickly and all of a sudden, the first week of October was gone. The kids reminded me that we hadn't put our decorations up yet. I dusted off the cobwebbed Rubbermaid's in the garage and spent 3 hours decorating the inside of the house. I am "a little" anal retentive when it comes to decorating. After the kids went to bed, I placed the pumpkins and ghouls in "just the right spot". You should have seen where they placed things. Gianna had 15 different candle holders on a 12 inch table. And Brandon tried to scotch tape a skeleton costume to the fireplace mantel. UMMM...doesn't work. Scary that I can't just let some of that stuff go. The other scary thing? Costume discussions. On our 40 minute ride to school this morning, Brandon wanted to be about 40 different things... army guy, policeman, rock star, mad scientist, skater, surf boarder, Scream(which is way out of the question), a snickers bar, a zombie prisoner, a motorcycle rider.... and on and on. Gianna? Simple (for once thank God) - a cheerleader! I remember my favorite costume as a little girl (my Aunt Cindy made it for me) - I was a bag of Jelly Beans. That was when Halloween wasn't soooo commercial. What happened to the good ol' days of Halloween? What was your favorite costume when you were little?

Rhyme All the Time

2008-10-03T13:55:00.000-07:00

"Mommy, I know how to rhyme now! Hat, Cat, Pat, Mat, Sat." "That is soooo great honey." I crept closer to her face. "What rhymes with miss" I said as I puckered up my lips. "PISS!" she shouted.

STORIES

2008-10-01T08:36:00.000-07:00

What's your story? Everyone has one. Where your born. Where you grew up. Where you've been. And where your are today. I was almost to work when I saw the most beautiful thing. Thank you God for that precious moment. A homeless man was sitting on the curb with his garbage bag full of cans, held tightly over his shoulder. His only possession. Another homeless man quickly hobbles down the street toward the man on the curb and they embrace. They held that embrace, not afraid to hold on. I kept driving as my heart smiled. And then before I knew it, my minivan turns around like Knight Rider and I'm heading back toward the two men. I stop Knight Rider in front of the man with his one possession and blurt out, "Excuse me, but can I buy you breakfast?" Whoa, poltergeist! Who just entered my body to speak for me? He comes up to my car and says, "No, thank you. I have a food card." "Are you sure? I really would love to do it. I just saw you hug your friend and it made me smile." He still declined and I sat talking to this man for a good five minutes, as cars buzzed around our conversation. What's his story? Maybe it was his life today that made me look at my own this morning. No matter what our story is, or walk of life, we can love and be loved. I simply can say, I am in awe and wish all of you could have seen that one embrace between those two men. It certainly would have changed your heart this morning.

My Friend Madelyn!

2008-09-29T09:13:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to you, Madelyn! I could never pinpoint when we actually became friends. We passed each other so often in life and just never made that connection. Until we finally were forced to become friends since our husbands were best friends. And how long did it take us to say we were good friends, besides always explaining that our husbands were friends? I think we do more together then they do. And what do I love about you? You are real! I never have to guess what you are feeling or thinking. You say what needs to be said in a diplomatic way. I also love the fact that when we haven't talked for weeks, I can pick up the phone, and we are right where we left off. You let people be who they are without judging them. I love you for that. And the kids.....oh the kids! You crack me up when it comes to motherhood. You even tell your kids how its going to be! So...Happy Birthday to MY friend Madelyn, who I wished lived closer!

Humor in the Unexpected

2008-09-26T15:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, was a challenging day. The school called and said that Gianna had thrown up. I was right in the middle of an important call and had a client waiting in the lobby. Being a mom and working at the same time is quite a challenge and gives a whole new meaning to multi-tasking. I went into overdrive, dealt with the moment, and flew to the school like Wonder Woman. I still had stuff to do at work, so I brought her back with me. I set her down at my desk with every type of coloring supply known to a 5 year old. We all know that five years olds are egocentric and she kept interrupting me, while I was on the phone. Before I picked up the phone to talk to my client, I said, "Gianna, you can't interrupt mommy right now because I have to talk to a very grouchy man." And she replied, "Are you talking to Daddy?"

The Little Sister Syndrome

2008-09-23T12:59:00.000-07:00

My sister Linda and I are five and a half years apart. And there was not a day growing up that she didn't tell me how bratty I was. To this day, she rubs it in, I mean tells me, the story of how I would hoard things. Our Papa would buy us candy and I would watch my sister eat hers until it was gone. When I knew she was done, I would whip my candy out and eat it slowly in front of her. I guess I couldn't help myself - maybe a little control issue? Last night, I could hear my own mother's voice cursing inside my head "I can't wait until you have kids". Well her wish finally came true, when I experienced this same scenario with my daughter. Tic Tacs Vs. Gum. Brandon vs Gianna. Gianna placed her gum in a secret drawer. While Brandon was taking a shower, she snuck into his room and ate the entire (except for three) plastic container of Tic Tacs. Now, if I was her, I would have hidden the fact. But NO! Not her. She joyfully skipped, with plastic colorless box in hand, to the shower, where Brandon unexpectedly was waiting her demise! Needless to say, he was upset. And it all came flooding back to me, how my poor older sister had to deal with her little sister!

Beyond Skin Deep

2008-09-18T10:41:00.001-07:00

Words cannot come close to scratching the surface of my soul. Last night was incredible, amazing, fun, sad, uplifting, moving and full of gratitude. How can one even come close to describing a group of women coming together for one person? A group of women, from all walks of life, but yet working side by side, to accomplish one goal. There was so much love in one room, I actually got choked up a little bit. I felt that familiar lump in my throat and I knew if I paid attention to it, I just might break down into that "ugly cry." We raised $1302.00 in just two hours for our friend and sister Shannan who is battling Leukemia. AMAZING! There was so many incredible thoughts and words of encouragement that were sent out to Shannan. I just know that if I were in her shoes (which I'd have to squish into, since I wear size 11), I would walk in the knowledge that I was not in this alone. And I just have to say that you women are awesome! We have the capability to kick it into overdrive when one of our sisters are hurting. We can get past what is skin deep, look beyond the surface, and get down to need.

Back to School Fright

2008-09-18T10:41:00.000-07:00

When I was little, I always loved the back to school nights. It gave me a chance to show my mom all my hard work, my desk, and the little seeds that grew in the Clover milk carton. As a parent, it is a whole different ball game - I see it with different eyes now. Last night, I was surrounded by questions that didn't matter and parents that bragged about their four year olds reading an encyclopedia. "Listen hear!" I wanted to shout. "I don't care that your little Tommy can read. Do you want a gold star? Or how about I just slap you in the back of the head?". Okay, so I know that was mean to say... but I don't think a back to school night should be a time of bragging rights in front of a group of adults. But secretly I was looking at my own children's work, notating in my mind, that they were the best! Didn't mean I had to shout it out loud or post it on a billboard!

No Mom... I Didn't

2008-09-15T13:26:00.000-07:00

Why do kids always think we won't find out? They always test the boundaries - even if those boundaries are edged with poison oak. If I haven't said it a million times, I will say it again...Don't go in the creek. And the answer I always get back is... I won't. Even though I see it with my own eyes, Brandon will still deny that he even went within inches of the creek bed. But the truth will prevail, even at its darkest hour - like 5:00am. His scream this morning pushed me out of bed as I scrambled like Helen Keller to get to his room. I walked across the hallway, arms out in front, using braille as my guide. I finally got to his room to find that he could barely open his own eyes. He was itching from head to toe. I spent this morning at the urgent care trying to subdue the "itchies". The doctor asked, "Has he been near poison oak?" Brandon's reply (not looking at me)... "Well, maybe." Well, that was sure a different story on Sunday when I asked him the same question. But sneakiness always has a way of revealing itself - even with swollen red eyes!

Tower of Terror

2008-09-11T08:57:00.001-07:00

The glass elevator looked so inviting. Yes! Finally a nice hotel. Holiday Inn Express here I come. Believe me- I've had my share of shady hotels. This past summer I stayed in one where a murder took place. I can tell you that if I would have known that before, I wouldn't had stayed. Needless to say, I get happy with the small things in life - a glass elevator. I anxiously pressed the up arrow, excited to get inside its glass windows to see the view of L.A. The doors opened and invited me in. They shut and I was transformed into a whole new world. It was like I was in a gas chamber in a concentration camp. It must have been a 150 degrees inside! I could have survived that, but the worst was its stench of fart. I could only imagine myself clawing at the glass, gasping for pure clean air. I finally was rescued as the doors hesitantly opened to let me out of my prison. Why? Why fart in an elevator people? Well, I found that answer on my own. Because it takes you 1 hour in LA traffic to go 4 miles. And from personal experience you never want to get the unexpected poo cramp while sitting in traffic because you have no where to go! By the time you get to the hotel, your body's instinct knows that you are almost there to be rescued by the porcelain bowl. Your body has no other choice to just let it all go! Thus, the Tower of Terror!

OVERWHELMED

2008-09-10T09:18:00.000-07:00

I am so overwhelmed with so many emotions as I write this blog today. A gnawing depth of sadness that I can't shake, gratitude for my life, a thankfulness for dear and real friends, helplessness beyond my own understanding, and a voice within me that wants to just cry out and wail. Why? Why does one of my friends have to have leukemia? It hurts. What is the message? I have had so many other friends email their thoughts and I weep as I read them. Because it is such a deep understanding between women. We are mothers, wives, and friends, and we feel for those women around us that are hurting. We are able to put ourselves in their shoes and say What if it was me? What about my husband? What about my children? I go back to yesterday's blog and am renewed with the promise that there is Hope. Even though we can't see it through the pain right now, I know there is grace in it all. To know that as women we can lift one another up,without even question, is a blessing. Please pray for my friend Shannan and her family. Please pray for the women around her that we will know how to love and comfort her at this painful moment in life.

Infinite Grace

2008-09-09T10:20:00.000-07:00

The Women of Faith conference this past weekend was so good. I love going to these conferences...1. to get away with friends 2. to learn something about yourself 3. to know you are not alone 4. to renew yourself 5. to survive a whole other year until the next conference! Infinite grace was the theme this year. Boy, did I need that! Have you had those moments when you don't know why you are going through those hard times? What is the purpose? You beat yourself down and feel so unworthy? But as we go through them we have a connection with God and those people that He brings into our lives. We build our character and our stories in life can be shared with those that are going through those same stories. That is how I see my life. Would I be the person I am today, if I didn't go through hard times. Would I have the same compassion and empathy toward people if I hadn't gone through those? Our human minds cannot grasp the understanding of WHY? We may not know in the moment, but later could be blessed with the infinite grace that somebody learned from your life. It is in what we say or do, what we live for and how we make others feel around us. I'm looking forward to using my stories to encourage those around me - YOU GOTTA LAUGH THRU LIFE!

Weekend Fun

2008-09-08T10:38:00.001-07:00

Wednesday night, Tina and I headed for L.A, the car filled with deli sandwiches, Old school cd's, and expectations. A seven hour car ride with a friend seems like a blink of an eye. We finally made our destination-Tasha's house. I got to sleep in the Superman room since I felt like a superhero, since we made it to L.A in the dark and all in one piece. Thursday morning we skipped on to Disneyland. I swear that God made that day just for us. You know that there is a God, when you can walk right on all the rides without a wait. It couldn't have been anymore perfect, if I planned it myself! I have to say I'm getting a little old. Don't tell anyone! I never thought I'd get sick on some of those roller coasters. But I did it. Tower of Terror was so much fun - laughing and screaming at the unexpected. I came off Splash Mountain, looking as though I'd taken a shower with my clothes on. If Tina could have worn a hairnet she would of! But that's why I love her so dearly. Friday and Saturday we went to the Women of Faith conference, which was the whole reason why we went there in the first place. I have so many stories to share that I will have to do one daily. Thanks Tasha and Tina for one of the best weekends I've had!

The Dreaded Costco Shop

2008-09-03T08:17:00.001-07:00

This past weekend, Justin informed me that we had to do a Costco shop. "We only need the basics", he tells me. Well, I know how that goes..... $350.00 later! It's like I sit all day at work to blow my entire paycheck in one 2 hour shopping excursion. Seriously, I hate shopping and I hate Costco even more. My heart beats faster, just thinking about it. So, I figure since I spend so much money there, they might as well feed my whole family lunch. The kids love it. Where can you shop and try tons of samples as you walk along the aisles? So, Gianna goes up to one table and puts her hands at the edge. The table moves forward and the old lady, dressed in her checkered apron with matching hairnet, starts yelling at her. "This is the third time today this has happened! Don't put your hands on the table!" Listen lady, if you don't like your job, Prada hairnet, or children, don't work here. I'm sorry you hate serving thousands of people a day with one little toaster oven, but don't take it out on my kid. It's not her fault. But I don't say any of those things except for this....."Maybe you need a stable table.....Mable!" I cracked myself up and even both kids cracked up! You should have seen the lady's face......priceless!

Baby's Got Back...........pain

2008-09-02T08:51:00.000-07:00

Last Monday, (on the first day of school I might add), I was making the bed. As I tucked in the bed, I got the most excruciating pain in my lower back that radiated down both my legs. Needless to say, I couldn't move, and laid in a fetal position on top of the bed, which seemed like forever. I drove the kids to school that morning and walked them to class, which looked like I had a stick up where the sun doesn't shine. But I got them there! Why couldn't I have hurt my back heroically? Like on Half Dome? Or jumping out of a two story window to save someones life? Making a bed? Come on now! I am truly old and I am sounding like my mother more and more these days. But I must say, I am filled with gratitude this morning because I am finally feeling better - a whole week later. Ahhh the simple things in life! I never took notice of how much I loved my back, until it was hurting. The pain was so consuming and it literally exhausted me. I'm back in business this week with a whole new attitude. Thank God because Disneyland here I come. I'll see Mickey on Thursday with my friends/sisters Tina and Tasha. Even if my back still hurt, I would have taken a wheelchair. Who knows? I would have gotten on the rides faster!

Throw Them To The Wolves

2008-08-28T11:54:00.000-07:00

Like changing schools and starting Kindergarten isn't hard enough....my husband, the leader of the wolves, dropped MY kids off at school on Tuesday. I guess I have to be a little more specific. "Okay, dear. When you get to school...park your car. Get out. Take your children out of the car. Give them their backpacks and lunches. Walk to their classrooms. Make sure they see their teacher. Get them settled" But, oh no! I didn't tell him that. So instead, on the second day of school, he practically pushes them out of a moving vehicle. He might as well have accelerated his Hyundai as he passed through the school circle, pushing the kids out an open back window. What the hell? I swear men don't think. Brandon told me Gianna got lost and couldn't find her class. Of course, crying throughout the whole thing.Thank God for Brandon, who brought her to his classroom and asked the teacher for help. I'm thinking to myself.. Self? Why would my husband think it would be okay to drop a just five year old off in the middle of a big school? Why not just throw her in a pool without floaties and let her drown? Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Or should I say, Women think with their heads, Men think with their Penis!

The Sweet Aroma of the First Day of School

2008-08-26T09:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday our household woke up to the sweet smell of a crisp morning. I hugged each kid good morning and could smell their freshly washed hair. I love that smell and I could just bury myself in their locks of bedhead. I helped them get dressed in there freshly washed clothes - Brandon in his rock star shirt - Gianna in her little pink tank top. I love how a little dryer sheet leaves its whisper behind. We could hardly sit down at the breakfast table, the excitement of the first day of school was just to much to bear. Fresh coffee brewed and pinched me into reality - my babies are growing up! I opened the fresh loaf of bread, its newness and comfort, nudging at my heart. It brought me back to when I was little and how excited I was on my first day of school. The kids opened up their backpacks and stuffed their lunch boxes in. I love the sound of a new zipper buzzing in my ears. We got into the car and set off for our first day. We talked about making new friends, field trips, and teachers. We got to school and Brandon was off to his class - I bent down and kissed his minty lips. I walked Gianna to her class with a lump in my throat. She didn't care! She was off and running. I could taste my sweet and salty tears as I let my last baby go!At the end of the day I asked them both what they did on the first day and they told me.....NOTHING! Leave it to kids!

We Will Miss Lavon!

2008-08-22T09:37:00.001-07:00

Today is another milestone for Gianna - it is her last day of daycare/preschool. You have to understand that Lavon has been a big part of our family's life for four years. I think I'll miss her more than Gianna. How do you thank someone for taking care of your child for the last 4 years? I want to share with you, the poem that I framed for Lavon, along with a picture of both Lavon and Gianna together.

We entrusted our child to you,
It was hard to let go
She fell into your loving arms
And this is what I know

The gratitude we feel could never be measured
You had a part in shaping who she is,
And that will always be treasured

You guided her with a gentle hand
Wrapped her in your love,
We were given such a gift, from heaven up above

You loved her like your own, as the days turned into years
You became a part of her life’s journey
Through the laughs and through the tears

We love you Lavon!

PORN IN THE MORN!

2008-08-21T09:40:00.001-07:00

Okay! I got to get out of Cloverdale. Or better yet, this crazy world! The story continues from yesterday's blog. I shared my story with my sister-in-law, who can get information out of a turnip. It must be her beauty (whatever! I'm jealous). But she tells me that there is a porno guy, that rents out these great big houses, hires young people, and tapes his porno movies. Apparently, the night before, the penis "actors" drank a little too much and were vandalising the area around them. Monday morning, the police went to the SUPER 8 motel to arrest these guys (did you expect that they would be staying at the HILTON?). The one guy jumped out of the SUPER 8, second story window. Can I just say, porno man , "The sign says super eight, not superman!" And thus, that's where my friend and I come in. Aiding and abedding a porn star. How many years in jail do you think we would get? I feel a little better that he wasn't a murderer. Although, I'm sure they are not the best caliber of people to let ride around in your minivan with your children in the back seat. The police must have been nervous because you never know what type of porn star you are gonna get! I guess you can say, my friend and I, got a little porn in the morn!

What If?

2008-08-20T09:43:00.001-07:00

What if on Monday morning I had left five minutes earlier? Or what if I had left five minutes later? It could have made a difference of whether my friend remained dead or alive. There are no coincidences in life. She knew that she shouldn't have let the stranger in her car - she had that aching feeling. But being the woman that she is, she didn't want to seem mean. I pulled out of my driveway and I knew something was wrong when she stopped me. She said that this man hurt his foot and needed a ride to his friends house. He insisted. So I followed her, thinking it was going to be around the corner. We started driving into a remote area and I knew something was wrong. He noticed that I was following her and started to act weird. She finally let him out of her car. Later, she went to the police station because it just didn't sit right. They had advised her that she was lucky that she had someone follow her because that same morning they were in pursuit of him with a canine dog. They lost his trail. They wouldn't tell her why they were following him. God had His hand in this situation. He kept us safe! And I was ready to ram my cute little minivan into hers if I had to! I kept thinking, "I'm gonna have to close my eyes and accelerate!" But thank God, I didn't have to!

KOA

2008-08-18T09:28:00.000-07:00

Okay... so I lied. Our last fun thing before school starts was our KOA camping trip this weekend. We set out late Friday with our travel trailer and met our friends Vicki and Shaan (they rented a KOA Kabin). There are so many things to do at a KOA for kids... petting zoo, hay rides, swimming, a fishing pond, arcade, spooky walks, karaoke, and the hokey pokey (which Julia stole the show). There really wasn't a lot of time just to explore or relax. RELAX! What's that? Maybe you should ask the men of our camp. Since they had the luxury of just hanging out while the women entertained and watched the children the entire time. Hillary Clinton was partially right when she said "It takes a village." But what she left out was that it takes a village of women. A village of women who can feed the children, get them dressed, keep them safe, and discipline them. You know you are great friends when you can yell at each other's children and not care. I think Vicki and I established that. "Don't do this! Don't do that! Why did you poop in the forest? Don't whine! You can't have that! Because I said. Because I said. Because I said." I know the kids had a blast, but I have to say... I really wanted to take a nap when we got home.

It's A Zoo Out There!

2008-08-13T09:25:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was the last big fun thing before school starts in a week in a half. My cousin Jenny and I decided to take the kids to the San Francisco Zoo yesterday. I kind of did it for selfish reasons too - to beat the heat of Cloverdale. I always think it is funny how I play these family outings in my mind - I work myself up. "It's going to be so fun! We'll pack our lunches and have a picnic. The animals will be so adorable. This will be such a learning experience!" But soon I am reminded (5 minutes into the car ride), that it is my children who are the ANIMALS! They fought like animals in the back seat. Gianna was scratching and pulling Brandon's hair. Brandon was yelling at her. I was praying, "Please Lord! Once I get to the zoo.... let a tiger escape and put me out of my misery!" I was half hoping there would be a cage that I could place my two kids in... just for a couple of hours! It turned out to be an good day in spite of their bickering. On the ride home, Brandon and Gianna talked about their favorite animals. Brandon loved the meerkates and the Wolf Spider. Gianna loved the lemurs and the flamingos. I loved the little squirrel monkeys. I'll have to post some pictures later, since we got home late last night.

It's been Hell. It's been Heaven. And it's only been Eleven

2008-08-08T09:34:00.001-07:00

What can one accomplish in eleven years? I have accomplished to buy and sell two houses, push two children out of my body and into the world, keep the same job, and all with my husband by my side. I can't believe that tomorrow we have been married for eleven years. We met at church when we were only sixteen. I will always remember one of our first dates at the movies. He took me to see Arachnophobia. He was sly and so suave, as he slowly put his arm around my chair, as the spiders came creeping down the large movie screen. It took him months to kiss me and now I can't keep him off me! Love was so uncomplicated back then. It was so simple. There was no responsibility attached. And then we got married, bought a house, and had kids. We have had our struggles through the years and there were moments that I felt like walking away. Too easy! So we've endured life's ups and downs together. One of the first things I was attracted to was Justin's laughter. Laughter has kept us together when life has been too tense. I have learned many things through marriage - Patience, Patience...... have I mentioned Patience!? So, Happy Anniversary Justin! I'm looking forward to a good dinner tomorrow. And yes.... you may get a little dessert!

Change - I hate it!

2008-08-06T09:47:00.000-07:00

The summer is almost over, which means the kids will be back to school. There is a time for everything and this year is a time for change. Brandon will be in 3rd grade and Gianna is starting kindergarten. We are sending them to a new school this year, which leaves my heart topsy turvy. I have woken up in the middle of night, waking God up at 2:00am in the morning, asking Him, if I am doing the right thing. So far, He hasn't bellowed down in a large voice telling me what to do. Sometimes, don't you wish it was that easy? God what to I do? And you actually can physically hear Him lay the plans out for your life! I hate not knowing, but that is where the trust and faith kick in. Not only are the kid's lives changing, but mine as well. I will be giving up a day off in the middle of the week, so that I can work shorter days and be with the kids after school. I am blessed to be able to do this, but still not sure of it all. We also just signed the papers to put our house up for sale. I don't think I can handle one more thing! I am so mixed up about everything. Should we move? Should we not? I love it here! I hate it here! I feel like someone has put me in a blender and has pushed the button on "tear you heart apart". All these decisions just don't affect me...but the kids as well. I'm sure I'll look back at this someday and feel okay about everything. But I sure hate the change when I'm in the middle of it!

SHOP TIL' YOU DROP

2008-08-04T09:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my friend Heather, her little little girl, and Gianna and I, had a our first annual school clothes shopping trip. We started out bright and early in the morning - 8:30am. The first stop was Target. We bought all of Gianna's school supplies, including an adorable frog backpack and a $14.00 High School Musical Thermos. You should have seen the dressing room with two five year olds. It was like a hurricane came busting threw. I don't even think you could see the carpet on the floor. At one point, I didn't know who's clothes were who's. It was funny because both Heather and I were totally sweaty. No need to do step aerobics, just go shopping with two kindergartners! Then it was off to Old Navy. The music was loud, as if to say, "Don't pay attention to the prices, just buy, buy, buy!" I could feel the adrenaline rushing, along with the music, as I swiftly went through the racks. No Luck though! So we went to the mall to refuel at Fresh Choice. We ate way too much - I have to get my money's worth, you know! The shopping didn't seem to end. On, on, and on! Gianna is so funny though because she certainly has her own style. I have learned just to let her pick her own clothes because I know she will wear them. But all of her pants are plaid! Her teacher is going to think we got a deal in bulk with all the plaid we bought.

I don't think you're ready for this Jelly

2008-07-30T16:40:00.000-07:00

The dreaded postcard came in the mail! I can feel my face burning as I read "It's been a year, since we've seen your rear". My doctor really doesn't say that, but they might as well. I hate going in for my annual pap. So, I took a lunch today for my appointment. I usually try to make them in the morning when everything is "fresh, fresh, exciting". I don't want to mess with the middle afternoon sweats. But before I leave, I go into the girls bathroom to find a little "Woot, Woot Spray" to give it a little lift me up. As I go to spray the bath and body, I decide just to take another look..... and what I read just about cracked me up. Garnier Fructis Hairspray! Can you imagine? " I'm sorry doctor, I don't know why I can't open my legs to get them in the stir ups. They seem to be stuck together!" I finally get to the appointment, as I laugh the entire way there in my car. People must think I just escaped the mental ward. The office has no air conditioning and I'm sitting with no bra or underwear on, just the beautiful starchy gown. I feel sweaty all over my body. The doctor's hand practically slips off my boob and onto the floor because they are dripping wet. Why? Why? Do I deserve such treatment. I'm not ready for this jelly!

Belated but Blessed

2008-07-24T09:23:00.000-07:00

Wow! How long has it been Vicki? 29 years as friends and still going strong. I can't imagine my life's journey without you. Who would have known that the two little five year girls in Ms. Johnson's kindergarten class, would stick together like glue their whole lives? There is a saying that "if you lived to be a hundred, I would want to live one day less than that because I couldn't imagine my life without you." And that is how I truly feel. You make me laugh like no other person, you listen with your heart, and you understand me. Sometimes I think you and I are exactly alike, only you weigh 100lbs less than me. Wench!!! There are so many memories that I will cherish forever.... our road trip to Oregon, hiding behind your green Volks bug on College Ave, watching Beaches just to make ourselves cry, going on our daily 7-11 trip to get Pina Colada slurpees, lifting your leg to lay a big one, shouting out "I'm from Yuerba Buena". trying to teach you how to put a tampon it (one of my favorite memories), celebrating my birthday in the dark. Just way to many too list and many more to come. Thank you for being who you are and allowing everyone else around you to do the same. Happy Belated Birthday! I love you more than words can say. Sometimes I wish we were young again so we could hang out more - I miss those times.

You say.......Vacation?

2008-07-23T10:35:00.001-07:00

Last week we packed up the travel trailer with $400.00 worth of junk food, took out a small loan to fill our diesel tank, and traveled 250 miles to Butt Lake. Do you know why they call it Butt Lake? Cuz only stupid asses camp for vacation! First of all, who in their right mind would travel that far with children in a car? And then go camping with a husband that is a clean freak? "Sure honey... we will delouse, de dirt, and fumigate ourselves before we enter the golden home on wheels!" Since I'm on a roll now.... Who wants to clean their private parts with a wash cloth for a week. I'm sure my gynecologist is thanking me for not scheduling my appointment the day I got home from camping. And then you have to haul water back and forth like you lived in ancient times. And then there was the cooking aspect of it all.... complaining that the bacon was too crisp, the scrambled eggs not good enough, the toast too burnt. Well, let me just say... the last time I looked down at my shirt, I didn't see a pin that said "IHOP serving you since 1980". Then there was the lake, that was struck by drought! Geese everywhere, which means geese poop everywhere. It was like swimming in a goose toilet bowl. Okay - I'm done. Lord have Mercy! I need a vacation!

SHE'S FIVE AND I'M STILL ALIVE!

2008-07-11T10:12:00.000-07:00

I can still hear my fear when I found out I was pregnant 6 years ago.... please let it be another boy... I don't know what I will do if it is a girl! Obviously, that is not how it played out. I remember taking Lamaze classes and thinking.. this is stupid! But Lamaze was not for the labor and delivery... it was for the aftermath of parenting. Heeeee Heeeee Hooooo! Heeeee Heeeee Hooo! I practice this on a daily basis when my kids test my patience - and boy do they. But I am so glad that I had my little girl because she has taught me so much about myself. The funny thing about her is that we are so different, but alike. She cannot walk past a mirror without looking at herself, fixing her hair, and then applying her strawberry mango lip smacker several times, until it is smeared outside of her lips. The best thing? Kissing those lips! The worst thing? The sassiness that comes out of those lips. I can't believe that she is five years old today. Time has gone by so fast. Time has gone by so slow. I look back at baby pictures and I feel like I have lost a little person. Where did that baby go? Who will she be later? Happy Birthday to my "big" girl! Can't you stop growing? Gianna also shares her birthday with her cute little cousin Jaxon. Happy 3rd birthday Jaxon!

GOTTA HAVE FRIENDS

2008-07-10T09:19:00.000-07:00

I have been truly blessed by many good friends in life. I don't mean the one's that come and go, but the one's that you know you will grow old with. There are many things I have learned throughout my journey with my friends.........

-You can fart at the table with your friends and not get grossed out..(that one is for Vicki, who -actually lifts her entire leg to let one go)

-You can take your bra off at night and let the "girls" hang out and not be judged that they look like hackey sacs

-You can get in a swim suit in front of one another and know why each of you has run into the hot tub-because we all know that we have cellulite on our legs

-And because we have cellulite on our legs we all share a gallon of ice cream together with all the toppings

-We can ask for prayer from one another and not feel like we always have to be perfect

-We can talk about our weakness with one another and then feel stronger than ever-because we have been built up by our friends

-We can get our exercise by laughing so hard that our stomach muscles ache

-I have learned that I can never have done it on my own

And last but not least, I wanted to say Happy Birthday today to one of my best friends (since I was 5) - Happy Birthday Heather!!! I love you and miss you! I'll eat a piece a cake for you today!

STRANGER

2008-07-09T09:11:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had a moment in life where you know you could beat a stranger's ass??!!! You know where this is going... don't you? I totally had that moment this morning! I'm driving to work this morning, radio playing, singing like I just won American Idol and I see it. The devil herself driving a black Camero. I think she thought she was exempt from all rules and regulations. You know the kind...."I don't have to stop at this stop sign. I'm driving the worlds best car." She had platinum blond hair and black roots that matched her Camero. How do I know the color of her hair? Because she came that close to hitting me as she ran through the stop sign, which was for everyone else but her. And then she had the nerve to flip me off! What I really wanted to do, was grab those roots and pull them out of her head. She was lucky that she was protected by the encasing of her vehicle. I think that my minivan throws people off. "Oh, here goes the soccer mom in her red minivan. She won't mind if I just run this stop sign... she'll stop to protect her family." But what they don't know is that I only drive this vehicle for convenience. If I wasn't running late for work, I would have turned around and followed her. Isn't it funny, how one incident can change your mood in an instant?

Simplicity

2008-07-03T09:40:00.000-07:00

It is not what we leave behind when we die, but it is those who we leave behind that matters. A year ago, Nono left this world. But I guess after 92 years on this earth, he was ready to move on. It was with heavy hearts that we let him go, but he will never be forgotten. The admiration that I have for Nono is unmeasurable. Simplicity of spirit is how I would describe this man. He worked hard for his family, barely, if at all missing a day of work. He didn't live in a mansion, but that is not what makes a home. His love for Nonnie was something that you could not put words to. I remember many conversations with him, after Nonnie died, and it was as though someone stole his heart, lost without her. He was not a man of many words, but his presence was strong. There have been times in the past year (at birthday parties, bbq's, holidays) that things just don't seem right and then I remember.....Nono isn't here. A week before he died, Gianna and I sat on a porch swing with him, eating licorice, and tracing our hands with pencil and paper. It's the simplicity of the memories with him that will be traced in my heart. Love you Nono!

BECAUSE YOU CAN!

2008-06-30T09:54:00.000-07:00

I know you all are probably tired of my stories of Half Dome, but I have to tell you, so much happened in those 14 hours! As we were walking on the trail and the terrain got steeper and steeper, I said with a groan, "Why? Why?!" And this lady that was just ahead a few feet, turned around, looked me straight in the eye and said, "Because you can!" I really needed to hear that. Many of my friends tell me that I can make new friends just about anywhere. And this trip was no different. I met one of the neatest people out in the wilderness. Her name was Francis, but we named her Grandma Francis. She told us all about her battle with drugs, her children, her marriage, her weight loss. And the most amazing thing was that she was climbing Half Dome on her own. We ended up walking awhile together and lost contact with her once my friend "Charlie the leg cramp" took over. 4 or 5 hours later we saw her on the trail again and we walked with her all the way back to her camp. She shared with me that she kept repeating the verse, "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." Which I thought was amazing, since that is my life verse! Its funny the people you can meet by just going out on a limb - or in my case... going out on a rock!

AIN'T NO MOUNTAIN TOO HIGH.... to fart

2008-06-26T09:14:00.000-07:00

It was a total serious matter. I was going straight up - completely vertical for 425 feet - and I wasn't about to lose my focus. Let's just say, I got real familiar and friendly with my REI hiking boots. I was not about to look up and I wasn't even going to attempt looking down. My mind kicked into the "This means business" mode. Holding on tight to the cables, or should I say, clinging to my life on a metal thread, I started to descend the granite rock. My biceps were burning, and if my toes could of clawed into the rock, they would have. Just about the middle of the descent, a man was passing me, coming up the cables. There was a large step that he had to throw his leg up on and then pull himself up. As soon as he pulled his body up off the ground, I heard it! "BBBBLLLLLLLTTT" He freakin farted. Not a little dainty fart, but a "I just ate beans for dinner fart!" In normal circumstances, I would have busted up. But with the fear that had consumed me, I was so afraid to move any other part of my body. As soon as I got down and knew I couldn't fall, I let my head throw itself back and I laughed my butt off! Ain't no mountain high...to fart!