Half Marathon

For the past several years, I have made physical goals for myself....Half Dome, 50K Bike Tour, Double Dipsea, and River Rafting, to name a few. I've always had my partner in crime along the way - Tina. Tina and I train together and encourage one another through it all. I think that is what is so fascinating about setting a goal because it is about the steps that took you there...not the final destination. All the time and commitment that we have shared together is what makes it fun. And then to finish what we started is such an accomplishment - appreciating the journey and the finish line. We decided in January that we were going to run a half marathon together. Of course, Tina was way more excited then me because I hate to run. We started training and she got hurt! She tried to push through the pain, but it just isn't going to happen for her. I feel torn in so many directions because I never do things like this on my own. But I am so far into the training, that I decided that I am going to do it on my own. It's a scary thing for me and I'm a little sad about it. But I WILL CONQUER! It's not only about crossing the finish line, but also about knowing that I can push myself.

STRETCHED

Describe me in one word. And I'm sure most people would say....funny. That's who I am. I think it all began when I was fat because I'd rather be funny or make fun of myself first, before anyone else could. I'd rather hurt my own feelings than feel the pain and hurt of another. So...funny I am. And I've progressed from there. Funny at a party, funny at work, funny with friends, making up funny songs. It's my element and I'm comfortable with it. Recently, I was asked to step out of my comfort of funny and do something serious for a Women's Retreat. Since this year has been defined by cancer, I decided to do a skit of my journey through the pain of losing a friend to this disease. I'm telling you... I kicked and screamed through the entire process because I hate to show my vulnerable side. But I did it. And was asked to do the skit again in front of church on Valentines Day. It was very emotional for me and I could barely get through it. I showed my pain of loss, my anger at God, my doubt, my sadness...but through it all...the promise that God held my hand through it all was evident. And I know that when we are stretched like that is when we grow the most.

INVISIBLE WOMAN

What would you like for lunch? No answer. What would you like to wear today? No answer. Pick up your backpack. No movement. Do your homework. No movement. Okay....sooooo....I'm invisible! Does the taxi fairy bring the children to school? Does the breakfast, lunch, and dinner fairy wave her magic wand and your stomach is full? So, I'm just wondering.....what would happen if I went on strike? Would the family realize that the invisible woman....isn't really invisible at all?

Celebrating Life

Well.....today I turned 36! Woot Woot! Just four more years to the big 40! But in all my years of life, this past year I have learned the most. I have grown in so many different areas of my life, even if I was kicking and screaming throughout it all. Change is not the easiest for me because it is comforting to know what is going to happen next. But without change...how can you really meet your full potential? Selling yourself short on the could of's, would of's, and should of's. I've learned that there are people in my life that I've drawn closer to, who love me for me, without any attachments. And there are those people or things that I've weeded out, that seem to strangle who I am and what I stand for. I guess I've learned to set my boundaries. But I've also learned to push my physical boundaries as well....hiking, rafting, biking...things I never thought I'd do. I've learned how to live life in a different way this year. Thanks to all of you, who are a big part of it.

My Mother In Law

I'm not sure how she really does it. I think she carries a magic wand. My mother in law never forgets a detail during the Christmas season. The tree is nicely decorated (although this year she bought two because she didn't like the first one), sugar cookies decorated, fudge plated, stockings over flowing, every present tied with love and a glittered bow, ham baking in the oven, and homemade gnocchi's to boot. I truly think the kids think that they are driving to The North Pole, when they are actually driving to Sebastopol to go to Gram's house on Christmas. Although, I love all the things my mother in law does....I do tell her that she is crazy because it must be hard work to make seven grandchildren eyes glow. But she does it every year. This year, Brandon wanted an electric guitar, which my husband said very firmly..NO WAY! My heart ached because I knew how much he really wanted it and how disappointed he would be. And guess what? My mother in law has authority over my husband and Santa had this amazing gift at her house. When Brandon opened the electric guitar he had the most amazing look of joy on his face, that I actually teared up. He kept saying...I'm so happy, I'm so happy! This was the first time in my life that I was happy that she did not listen to me or my husband. She truly made Christmas magic. Thanks Jill!

My Wish For You This Christmas

My wish for you this Christmas is that you have a job, a home, family, and good friends. That you wrap yourself in light and enjoy the small blessings around you. I use to think it was about the presents...but it is about being present for those you love. ~Merry Christmas~

9 Months and The Labor of Love

Everyone has a box that they hide in the back of their closets and no matter where you go or where you move - it is always there- until you decide to get rid of it! The box of guilt, shame lonliness...the list goes on and on. For the last nine months since my friend Shannan died, I've had the "Where were you God Box". I've felt the sadness. I've felt the guilt of getting to hug her nine year old son and I've felt the guilt of tucking him in. And then it hit me - I should be thankful. Thankful that I get to do that for Shannan and for her son. That I can be a part of this whole story. I grabbed my box, dusted it off, and handed it over in thankfulness. But this story gets better. 9 months to the day, this little boy called me on the phone and at the end of the phone call he said, "Bye, I love you." What a precious gift, that I have been given. This last nine months has been such a labor of love - just like a nine month pregnancy. The pains, the uncomfortableness, the sickness, but in the end, when all is delivered....there is such beauty that you hold on to. And when that boy said he loved me...I felt the freedom of letting go of that box.