I don't think you're ready for this Jelly

The dreaded postcard came in the mail! I can feel my face burning as I read "It's been a year, since we've seen your rear". My doctor really doesn't say that, but they might as well. I hate going in for my annual pap. So, I took a lunch today for my appointment. I usually try to make them in the morning when everything is "fresh, fresh, exciting". I don't want to mess with the middle afternoon sweats. But before I leave, I go into the girls bathroom to find a little "Woot, Woot Spray" to give it a little lift me up. As I go to spray the bath and body, I decide just to take another look..... and what I read just about cracked me up. Garnier Fructis Hairspray! Can you imagine? " I'm sorry doctor, I don't know why I can't open my legs to get them in the stir ups. They seem to be stuck together!" I finally get to the appointment, as I laugh the entire way there in my car. People must think I just escaped the mental ward. The office has no air conditioning and I'm sitting with no bra or underwear on, just the beautiful starchy gown. I feel sweaty all over my body. The doctor's hand practically slips off my boob and onto the floor because they are dripping wet. Why? Why? Do I deserve such treatment. I'm not ready for this jelly!

Belated but Blessed

Wow! How long has it been Vicki? 29 years as friends and still going strong. I can't imagine my life's journey without you. Who would have known that the two little five year girls in Ms. Johnson's kindergarten class, would stick together like glue their whole lives? There is a saying that "if you lived to be a hundred, I would want to live one day less than that because I couldn't imagine my life without you." And that is how I truly feel. You make me laugh like no other person, you listen with your heart, and you understand me. Sometimes I think you and I are exactly alike, only you weigh 100lbs less than me. Wench!!! There are so many memories that I will cherish forever.... our road trip to Oregon, hiding behind your green Volks bug on College Ave, watching Beaches just to make ourselves cry, going on our daily 7-11 trip to get Pina Colada slurpees, lifting your leg to lay a big one, shouting out "I'm from Yuerba Buena". trying to teach you how to put a tampon it (one of my favorite memories), celebrating my birthday in the dark. Just way to many too list and many more to come. Thank you for being who you are and allowing everyone else around you to do the same. Happy Belated Birthday! I love you more than words can say. Sometimes I wish we were young again so we could hang out more - I miss those times.

You say.......Vacation?

Last week we packed up the travel trailer with $400.00 worth of junk food, took out a small loan to fill our diesel tank, and traveled 250 miles to Butt Lake. Do you know why they call it Butt Lake? Cuz only stupid asses camp for vacation! First of all, who in their right mind would travel that far with children in a car? And then go camping with a husband that is a clean freak? "Sure honey... we will delouse, de dirt, and fumigate ourselves before we enter the golden home on wheels!" Since I'm on a roll now.... Who wants to clean their private parts with a wash cloth for a week. I'm sure my gynecologist is thanking me for not scheduling my appointment the day I got home from camping. And then you have to haul water back and forth like you lived in ancient times. And then there was the cooking aspect of it all.... complaining that the bacon was too crisp, the scrambled eggs not good enough, the toast too burnt. Well, let me just say... the last time I looked down at my shirt, I didn't see a pin that said "IHOP serving you since 1980". Then there was the lake, that was struck by drought! Geese everywhere, which means geese poop everywhere. It was like swimming in a goose toilet bowl. Okay - I'm done. Lord have Mercy! I need a vacation!

SHE'S FIVE AND I'M STILL ALIVE!

I can still hear my fear when I found out I was pregnant 6 years ago.... please let it be another boy... I don't know what I will do if it is a girl! Obviously, that is not how it played out. I remember taking Lamaze classes and thinking.. this is stupid! But Lamaze was not for the labor and delivery... it was for the aftermath of parenting. Heeeee Heeeee Hooooo! Heeeee Heeeee Hooo! I practice this on a daily basis when my kids test my patience - and boy do they. But I am so glad that I had my little girl because she has taught me so much about myself. The funny thing about her is that we are so different, but alike. She cannot walk past a mirror without looking at herself, fixing her hair, and then applying her strawberry mango lip smacker several times, until it is smeared outside of her lips. The best thing? Kissing those lips! The worst thing? The sassiness that comes out of those lips. I can't believe that she is five years old today. Time has gone by so fast. Time has gone by so slow. I look back at baby pictures and I feel like I have lost a little person. Where did that baby go? Who will she be later? Happy Birthday to my "big" girl! Can't you stop growing? Gianna also shares her birthday with her cute little cousin Jaxon. Happy 3rd birthday Jaxon!

GOTTA HAVE FRIENDS

I have been truly blessed by many good friends in life. I don't mean the one's that come and go, but the one's that you know you will grow old with. There are many things I have learned throughout my journey with my friends.........

-You can fart at the table with your friends and not get grossed out..(that one is for Vicki, who -actually lifts her entire leg to let one go)

-You can take your bra off at night and let the "girls" hang out and not be judged that they look like hackey sacs

-You can get in a swim suit in front of one another and know why each of you has run into the hot tub-because we all know that we have cellulite on our legs

-And because we have cellulite on our legs we all share a gallon of ice cream together with all the toppings

-We can ask for prayer from one another and not feel like we always have to be perfect

-We can talk about our weakness with one another and then feel stronger than ever-because we have been built up by our friends

-We can get our exercise by laughing so hard that our stomach muscles ache

-I have learned that I can never have done it on my own

And last but not least, I wanted to say Happy Birthday today to one of my best friends (since I was 5) - Happy Birthday Heather!!! I love you and miss you! I'll eat a piece a cake for you today!

STRANGER

Have you ever had a moment in life where you know you could beat a stranger's ass??!!! You know where this is going... don't you? I totally had that moment this morning! I'm driving to work this morning, radio playing, singing like I just won American Idol and I see it. The devil herself driving a black Camero. I think she thought she was exempt from all rules and regulations. You know the kind...."I don't have to stop at this stop sign. I'm driving the worlds best car." She had platinum blond hair and black roots that matched her Camero. How do I know the color of her hair? Because she came that close to hitting me as she ran through the stop sign, which was for everyone else but her. And then she had the nerve to flip me off! What I really wanted to do, was grab those roots and pull them out of her head. She was lucky that she was protected by the encasing of her vehicle. I think that my minivan throws people off. "Oh, here goes the soccer mom in her red minivan. She won't mind if I just run this stop sign... she'll stop to protect her family." But what they don't know is that I only drive this vehicle for convenience. If I wasn't running late for work, I would have turned around and followed her. Isn't it funny, how one incident can change your mood in an instant?

Simplicity

It is not what we leave behind when we die, but it is those who we leave behind that matters. A year ago, Nono left this world. But I guess after 92 years on this earth, he was ready to move on. It was with heavy hearts that we let him go, but he will never be forgotten. The admiration that I have for Nono is unmeasurable. Simplicity of spirit is how I would describe this man. He worked hard for his family, barely, if at all missing a day of work. He didn't live in a mansion, but that is not what makes a home. His love for Nonnie was something that you could not put words to. I remember many conversations with him, after Nonnie died, and it was as though someone stole his heart, lost without her. He was not a man of many words, but his presence was strong. There have been times in the past year (at birthday parties, bbq's, holidays) that things just don't seem right and then I remember.....Nono isn't here. A week before he died, Gianna and I sat on a porch swing with him, eating licorice, and tracing our hands with pencil and paper. It's the simplicity of the memories with him that will be traced in my heart. Love you Nono!