I don't think you're ready for this Jelly

The dreaded postcard came in the mail! I can feel my face burning as I read "It's been a year, since we've seen your rear". My doctor really doesn't say that, but they might as well. I hate going in for my annual pap. So, I took a lunch today for my appointment. I usually try to make them in the morning when everything is "fresh, fresh, exciting". I don't want to mess with the middle afternoon sweats. But before I leave, I go into the girls bathroom to find a little "Woot, Woot Spray" to give it a little lift me up. As I go to spray the bath and body, I decide just to take another look..... and what I read just about cracked me up. Garnier Fructis Hairspray! Can you imagine? " I'm sorry doctor, I don't know why I can't open my legs to get them in the stir ups. They seem to be stuck together!" I finally get to the appointment, as I laugh the entire way there in my car. People must think I just escaped the mental ward. The office has no air conditioning and I'm sitting with no bra or underwear on, just the beautiful starchy gown. I feel sweaty all over my body. The doctor's hand practically slips off my boob and onto the floor because they are dripping wet. Why? Why? Do I deserve such treatment. I'm not ready for this jelly!