Surrender

I got a call Friday on my way to work. "Rochelle, they have a spot open at the Women's Retreat, if you want to go!" Well........let me think about that. No way! I'm really mad at God right now. I'm mad that my friend is gone. I'm mad that my other friend has cancer. I'm mad that my children are brats. I'm mad that I am overwhelmed. "Okay, let me see what I can work out," I say to my friend because I don't want to disappoint her. I knew that my husband would not want me to go and I also knew that we were shorthanded at work. Excuses, Excuses! So I knew, it was going to be impossible. I half heatedly asked my husband and my boss and without hesitation they both said, "GO!" Great....just great! Now, I'm committed. And you know what? God planned out every small detail. I ended up staying in a room all by myself, which is totally out of character for me! But such a blessing. I really got to take a good look at who I am and how God takes care of every small detail in our lives. I learned that I may not understand why things happen, but that I have a God that will hold me through it all, big and small.

Missing You!

My friend Shannan Wirt lost her battle with leukemia on March 5, 2009. Even though it has only been 5 days, it already seems like an eternity. I look back at time - only one year ago - and she didn't even know that she had this disease. It really puts life into perspective. I will miss so much about her - her love for my son, her generosity, her positive attitude, her beauty, her spunk, the way she would shave ice and put real lemon on top, how she got me to get into a dang swimsuit, and our intimate talks about husbands and children. Can someone please pinch me? Cloverdale is such a small town and I just know I'm going to run into her somewhere! It's really painful to lose a friend. I can't even seem to ask the question why anymore. I'm trusting that Gods timing is His own - although at this moment I'm not agreeing with His timing at all!

Four years ago, when I took the chance to introduce myself to her, I never thought that I would be standing up in front of hundreds of people, pouring my heart out at her memorial service. Whatever it is in your life....please....please.......take the chance........I promise, you'll be glad you did!

My Rock Star!

It's an inside joke between my friend Nina and I - you only make my blog if you have cancer! Well obviously she has cancer because she made my blog! October she was diagnosed with breast cancer, had a double mastectomy in January, and just started her chemo in February. Yesterday, her hair started to fall out. Well if it was me, I probably would have cried myself to sleep and then hid in a dark bomb shelter until my hair grew back! Nina? Oh no! Can't hold that girl down. She took advantage of the opportunity and made herself look like a rock star. She called me last night to tell me she got her hair cut and was going to stop by my work today to show me. When I walked out of my office and saw her face, I could see her strength and her confidence. When I saw her rock star hair, I was certain she was going to pull her electric guitar out of her back pocket and start singing something from White Snake! Cancer is not going to bring her down! She is going to kick its butt with flying colors! She is a true rock star in my eyes!

Dear Cancer

I never invited you into my life, but you came anyway. You bullied yourself right into my friend's body, like a thief in the night. Did you think you were going to steal her dignity away? Did you think that by making her body weak, you would destroy the strong independent woman that she is? Did you think by stripping away her hair upon her head and her lashes from her loving eyes that she would become less beautiful? Did you think by taking her voice away, that I would not know how much she loves those around her? Don't think for a minute that you have conquered. Don't think for a second that the children that are left behind won't be the ones to figure out the cure! Don't think that those that have been touched by her life won't love harder, love stronger, or love deeper. Don't think that even though we don't have any control, that God holds her in His hands!